So, today I tried something new. I tried to start the day deciding it would be good and ignoring all clues otherwise. It's a bit tiring...believe me there are a LOT of clues to ignore...but I'm pretty sure there is no way out of this pit I've fallen into other than this, so here is to trying. Actually it was chocolate chip cookie dough and sunflowers to trying - I needed SOMETHING to brighten my day by 5:00 because the world was certainly NOT helping! I'm going to need to try this a few more days and get some words of wisdom before I recommend to anyone else just how to do it, but I could certainly feel my mom inside me rising up and screaming 'get off your lazy butt and do something, stop moping around already'. So, up off the lazy butt I went.
Many people may think I should 'let myself grieve', but you have to understand who I'm related to. When my mom's white blood cell counts were super low prior to the bone marrow transplant, but she was still working, one of the patients was whining about something. She pulled out his chart, looked at the counts and said 'Give me a break, my counts are worse than yours so either stop your whining or move over and let me in that bed and you can do my job.'
Sorry depression stage, I have too many of her genes in me to allow you too much of my time - self pity is a slippery slope and I'm not interested in being taken further down this pit...the top seems far enough away as it is!
I find it really helpful to think about what my dad would do in almost any situation. It's actually our new favorite game at restaurants when we're together... what would Dad order? He ordered really well all the time! If you're capable of thinking through how your mom would react, you're doing better than you think. Love you!
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