Resisting Returning

It seems as though I've figured out my physical and emotional state, as described by Granger E. Westburg in the book 'Good Grief'. I've had a migraine for 3 days. I hate migraines and as Brandy and I were perusing the book we wondered if perhaps it was part of Stage 4: Physical Symptoms of Distress. In reading this stage we found out that "some of the people who have physical symptoms of distress have stopped at one of the stages in the 10 stage grief process. Unless someone can help them to work through the emotional problems involved in the stage in which they seem to be fixed, they will remain ill. No amount of medicine will significantly change the situation."

I decided I didn't want to remain ill and so I really needed to find out what stage I am fixed in so I can move through it. We determined I am stuck on page 75 - Stage 8: Resisting Returning. (please note, these stages unlike what everyone thinks they learned in 5th grade health class do not go in order, so don't think I only have 2 left) As Granger says "my loss has been something special, and I feel that other people just don't understand how great the loss was. They are off talking about other things, and I am left alone with my sorrow. Everyone has forgotten my tragedy. Somebody has to keep the memory of it alive." I recognize that you may find this ridiculous, because you think it's not true that people have forgotten. But I would beg to differ. I think that everyday I realize more just how long it's going to take to deal with what I'm feeling. And it makes me realize, that by the time I do this, most of the people I know will have forgotten the pain of this experience. I will not. I don't think people will forget that my mom lived, but I think they will forget the pain of her loss. I will not. See why I'm on page 75?

Granger continues, "When many of us were children people grieved more openly. The men wore black arm bands, and the women wore black veils for 6 months to a year while in mourning for a loved one so that everyone was reminded daily of their loss." I used to think the idea of outward mourning was absurd. But I totally understand it now. It lets people see that I am still trying to act normal. It's not easy, but I'm trying. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I just want them to understand I'm not normal, and I'm probably not going to be for a long time. It's just how it is.

So, Brandy and I have froogled 'black mourning hats' and found a pretty sweet one for $25 dollars. It seems a little over the top, but all the other ones were $300. I feel like wearing a mourning veil while answering e-mails would be very comforting right now. I also think it would be pretty awesome to see people's faces when they turned the corner into my cubicle.


We considered a mourning bonnet for Brandy because the hat may throw her kids off. One of the great things about the 'Good Grief' book is that Brandy, my dad and I are finding it hysterical to determine which stage we are in. If you don't, you are definitely not on page 75 and you may not enjoy Brandy and my eulogy on Saturday...we are not ones to let this world get us down (that's a shout out to you mom!).