Pelican Rescue

Today we went for what we expected to be a relatively quiet walk on the beach. There have certainly not been many people out on the beach these days which makes for a relaxing walk if you bundle up enough, and we wanted to take some of my mom's ashes to the ocean. We continued up the beach and found outselves a little task to attend to that my mom would have found quite entertaining...a pelican rescue.


We noticed a pelican sitting on the beach, which in itself was odd, but then we saw the surf was coming in and he wasn't really moving out of it's way, which was more odd. Then we saw him try to fly away from the surf at which point we realized his wing and foot were hurt. On the cell phone I went, thankfully knowing the number for DNR only to hear the most absurd message ever, which after pressing a few buttons gave me a number to call if I was calling about an injured animal, another number to call if I was calling about a nuisance animal, information about how to find stuff on the internet, and then said you could leave a message and they would call you back on January 4th. Wow, thanks for the help. Somehow I feel like if I'm calling about an injured animal I'm not going to be on a computer, January 4th is of no help, and by this point people who have issues remembering numbers are having issues remembering the first number you listed really fast.


While all that was happening a family walked up and was talking with my dad, Brandy, Matt and Tabbi. After I dial the number that I'm hoping I remembered correctly and a voice said 'hold on one minute' and then was talking on another line, I wait thankfully to find out that the family that walked up had already called DNR so I can hang up on this very long process of getting in touch with someone at my office the week I know NO ONE is in the office! They inform us that there is not one at the office (yep, I figured that one) but that if we could get Mr. Pelican into the car we could drop him off at the Birds of Prey Rehabilitation about a half hour up the road. That is where our staff would have taken it anyway, I guess there were just not enough DNR people in the office to do the transporting. So, the DNR person told her some very handy tips such as the fact you can't hold their bills closed or they can't breathe, the inside of their bill is razor sharp, their necks are very resilient, and when you pick them up they will only weigh about 4 pounds, much lighter than you think.

We made attempt number one as our new friends' husband ran to grab their car, which they had put a laundry basket and towels in from their house. We realized one of the problems was going to be the fact that when we walked towards him he tried to fly away very sadly, which took him further into the surf. We were concerned about this but just planning our attack until the surf actually knocked him over and he was floundering underwater until he finally flipped back over. Brandy, who had already had her shoes off was rolling up her pants, and my shoes were coming off in moments. Brandy walked out into the surf (which by the way was FREEZING) to keep him from trying to go back out into the waves, I walked out into the surf but not at far which got him to look away from my direction to try to get away, and our friend swept in quickly from the side and grabbed him before we even knew what happening. It was pretty impressive! Mr. Pelican was none too happy with this process and decided to try to bite our new friend so my dad held his little neck so he wasn't swinging it wildly about (good thing we knew not to hold his beat shut!).

We all ran him out to the road (through briars on the ground on our bare feet) and into the back of their car and they headed out to give him a fighting chance at the rehabilitation center. We then headed back to the house on our freezing little tootsie toes and into some warm socks. It was all rather eventful to say the least, and certainly added some spice to the scattering of my mom's ashes...but that's probably how she would have liked it :)

Our friend's daughter captured the saving of Roger the pelican as they named him on the way to the rehabilitation center. Yes, I am at this moment wearing no jacket, a massive winter hat and am in bare feet...you have to be nimble when saving pelicans and the hat keeps you someone warm at least :)

God's Poem

Today, I am sitting in my dad's bedroom by the pellet stove watching snow fall on the deck, thinking about the last time I did this...It was February and Brandy and I were sitting in my parent's bedroom by the pellet stove watching snow fall on the deck. In this same chair, doing this same thing I posted 'The Big Snow' while my mom and dad were staying the night in a Holiday Inn in Baltimore so that my mom could get to Hopkins in the morning for her daily tests. That is the same Holiday Inn my dad and I took a nap in 4 months ago days before my mom died.

Maybe it's the onset of Christmas and everyone asking what it is you want, but as of late, I have been trying to determine what it is I really want. Even in my prayers, I tell God I have no idea what I want from Him. I can sense as I pray that it's something God wants me to figure out because somehow that is going to help me deal with my grief, but I have been having problems doing it. On the surface I could say what I want is more time with my mom, but as I pray I can sense there is something more to it. About 3 days ago I realized what it is...What I really want is normal back. My normal has been utterly and completely changed, and I want it back.

I figured it out as I was reading Joni Eareckson Tada's newest book 'A Place of Healing'. She quotes Mary Jane Iron's statement on normal:

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are...Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in my pillow, or stretch myself taunt, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return."

My parents taught me how to be a person that didn't take things for granted, appreciate what you have and accept what you don't. We lived today, not waiting until tomorrow to do something or say something or go somewhere if we were able to. I appreciated my mom and I told her and showed her that I loved her, and yet I so long to tell her again. Brandy and I wrote in our eulogy that we can't say we really regret anything we didn't do with or didn't say to our mom, and yet there is an aching that we didn't do everything we could have. I realized that longing, that aching is for the normal day. My dad and I were talking on Christmas Eve about the fact that you will always ask for one more day, one more 'i love you', one more hug...it's just the nature of the beast. That asking is asking for the normal. When I scream at God that I'm angry and I don't know why, I'm angry because I don't have my normal. When I cry in my pillow and can't put a finger on why, it's because I just had a moment that should have been normal and wasn't. I have very much realized over the past few months that it's not the huge things I miss, it's the little things...it's the normal things.

It's hard to appreciate normal. Driving to work, sitting at a restaurant waiting for food, handing someone something from the fridge, watching a TV show together, checking on a recipie as you make it, going for a walk, finding out what someone did that day...that is normal...that is what I miss...that is what I long for. Do you know what I do regret? That we didn't videotape a normal day. But who thinks to videotape a normal day? You videotape a birthday, or a vacation spot, or a special event, but nobody videotapes making cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning and the random, non-important conversation that ensues. That, however it what I want. And as I write this I suddenly realize, that even if I had it, it wouldn't be enough. If I had that video, I would want a video of us sitting in the bedroom while my mom talked about the food network and Brandy and I laughed at how excited she was. And if I had that video, I would want a video of my dad coming home from work and giving my mom a kiss like he did every day....I would just want more because there are so many normal moments you can't possibly video them all. And it would seem wierd to have a video set up while you are going through your day :)

In the end, what I am coming to understand is that normal is always changing. Right now I'm getting used to a very severe kind of change in normal, the kind that makes it impossible to ever go back. I will never experience a 'normal Christmas' or 'normal drive to work' or 'normal day sitting by my parent's pellet stove' as I understand normal. I have to work out my new normal as I phrased it shortly after my mom died...I didn't know the wisdom of the words I was writing. How I figure that out is beyond me at this point, but I do think that knowing that is what I'm longing for will help me learn to let it go. God wasn't asking me to figure it out so he could wave it in my face and say 'well, too bad, you can't have it'. He was asking me to figure it out because in the figure out of what I wanted, I would start the process of figuring out the next question I'll ask Him.

Joni Eareckson Tada pointed out something very interesting about Ephesians 2:10, which says that we are God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. The word 'workmanship' in the original Greek is poiema, from which we get our English word 'poem'. What a beautiful way to look at yourself - as God's poem to the world. There are certainly some dark lines in my poem as of late, but if God knew in advance what he had planned for my poem to accomplish then these dark lines were supposed to be here. The normal in my previous stanzas is certainly not the normal that will be in my future stanzas, but I will keep trusting that 'God knows the plans he has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Then He Smiled At Me

Today's song is my mom's favorite Christmas song, 'Little Drummer Boy' - Merry Christmas!

Fall On Your Knees

I've had requests for a number of versions of this song, but since day 1, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day has been chosen...and we have arrived. 'O Holy Night' is possibly my favorite song of all time, not just Christmas, and I have yet to hear someone sing it like Ronnie Milsap. Granted, I am somewhat biased in my love for Ronnie at Christmas, but you listen to this version and tell me if much can stand up against it. I will leave you with my mom's thoughts on it..."If that song doesn't bring you to your knees, you don't have a soul."

Let Your Heart Be Light

I am headed home today...for my first Christmas without my mom. But I'm also headed home to a Christmas WITH my dad and Nikole and my aunts and uncles and grandparents. So, for today I'm going to post a song that for some reason seems to match how I feel heading home. There is something about 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas' that isn't so overwhelmingly 'everything is great' and yet is also sweetly joyful. I don't think that next year all my troubles will be out of sight, but have yourself a merry little Christmas now...

Hark Hear the Bells

Brandy is headed to Charleston as I write this! Her favorite song is 'Carol of the Bells'. She said it always reminds her of the craziness of the last few days before Christmas, so we saved it for the end of the Christmas song a day list. And, since she woke up at 7am this morning to get things rolling so they could get on their way we figured today she pretty much feels like this! I really wanted to put the Kenny Rogers version on here because that is the best version out there! But, unfortunately YouTube could not deliver on that. So, we shall go with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir version and then for good measure, and because Lisa and I were talking about Trans-Siberian Orchestra today, we'll add their version as well...

You Better Watch Out

Well, since I'm already on the computer this morning, now done attempting to find numbers to get in touch with bus companies, I figured I would post today's song. This is Kim's request, which I needed today - something about 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' makes you smile. And a new singer request - Dolly Parton!

New Contact

I have a new contact in my phone. It is labeled 'Idiot Bus Company'. This morning, my sister, my dad and I spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to get Nikole to school because these idiots decided that since Nikole said yesterday I was coming home 'Monday' they didn't need to pick her up. Every day is 'Monday' to Nikole. She is riding a special needs bus, don't you think they got the idea that she's special needs? and maybe just maybe they should have an actual note from her parent to say that yes in fact she does not need to be picked up seeing as how my mom always wrote her a note and my dad now writes her notes when she doesn't need to get picked up? I guess that's too hard of a concept to understand.

How Are You? - an update

It seems the 'How are you?' question is being thrown around more often now that we are hitting a season when apparently I will miss my mom more than I miss her on a normal day. I do have to say I don't necessarily think that's true. I miss her for different reasons, and those reasons are indeed tied to a specific month of the year, but it's not like on the 26th all the sudden I'm going to miss her less.

I am, however, going through another wave of crying which may or may not have to do with what I wish was happening right now. I wish I was getting daily calls about things 'screaming my name' or her checking on what time I fly in a million times as if my flight schedule isn't hanging right behind the phone, or us planning which cookies we are going to make on which day, or knowing that she is planning out which neighborhoods we are going to drive through to look at lights, or...I could do this all day.

It also may be tied to the fact that it's been 4 months...4 months never seemed so long. I know I'm not the only one who has found these last 4 months so long and difficult. Last Wednesday my dad wrote this and sent it to me:

Some say GOD's been talk’n to me.
What a scary thought.
That He would try and teach me things.
That no one else been taught.

I just think I’m think’n things.
I’ve known for many years.
They are all come’n together now.
It’s just noise between my ears.

I wake up early morning.
With questions in my mind.
Soon find the answers in there too.
Just needed lots more time.

I can’t stop think’n about my wife.
And all the times we had.
She was every bit, all my life.
And the thoughts now make me sad.

I know that GOD is in this thing.
He’s been with me through the tears.
I know the answers come from Him.
It’s not just noise between my ears.

Sometimes I have to struggle.
Just to get through one more day.
When everyone else around me.
Continues on, their merry way.

I know it’s not their problem.
And I know it’s not their pain.
But don’t they see me crying?
Just because I don’t complain.

GOD has me in his loving arms.
He will help me through my fears.
All my questions, answered there.
With noise between my ears.

So for those who have been asking, that is the best way I can describe how I am - I know it's not your problem, and I'm trying not to complain, I know God has me and will help me, but there are still a whole lot of questions in my brain, some days I have to struggle more than others just to get through, and while I appreciate the moments of joy that I find, the moments of sorrow are similarly overwhelming. The problem is, there is really nothing anyone can do, including myself, other than wait. Wait until the pain fades...but does it really? Am I really ever going to stop wishing my mom was planning out our Christmas light route? And how long with it take for me to not notice Thursday as a different day of the week than every other day because it marks another week gone by? At what point does my will to get through become stronger than my want to have her back?

In 1864, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote the words to 'I Heard the Bells', a Christmas song that I've never really paid attention to. That is until I heard Casting Crowns sing it this year. This was written in the midst of the Civil War, after Longfellow's wife died unexpectedly and his oldest son was injured in the war. The poem, which later became a song, speaks of despair, but ends with confident hope and triumphant peace. I have yet to understand how I will ever feel those again, but I will say with Longfellow's bells 'God is not dead, nor does he sleep'. I may not feel it, but in my heart I hear them.

Someday at Christmas

This is a new one for me! My Aunt Barb has requested 'Someday at Christmas' by Stevie Wonder and I am loving it. Enjoy...

'All I Want for Christmas' Montage

My Aunt Jen gets today's song...'All I Want for Christmas is a Really Good Tan'. Which got me thinking of 'All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth' and 'All I Want for Christmas is You'. And thus today, you have the 'All I want for Christmas' montage...which ends with 'I'm Getting Nuttin' for Christmas'...because it doesn't matter what you want for Christmas if you are on the naughty list! :)

Tell Him He Can Take the Freeway Down

My brother, Matthew's request is 'Run, Run, Rudolph', which is pretty appropriate considering we have one week until Christmas - that's right, people - ONE WEEK!



and while we are talking about him, how could we miss his actual song...Rudolph, as sung by Harry Connick, Jr...

Hurry Christmas, Hurry Fast

Prior to Andrea's spectacular find of the Italian Christmas Donkey, she had requested Alvin and the Chipmunks 'The Christmas Song', so I say we continue with the adorableness of animated animals and bring on the Chipmunks for today! While I do not support Alvin's pre-Christmas sneaking into gifts, I do love this song :)

I'm Dreaming...

For Petrone we are going to do a little mid-day switch post. Because I really will be dreaming of a White Christmas tonight...it snowed at home, which makes me hope that come December 25th some little white snowflakes will be falling from the sky. So here is the song for the night between the 16th and 17th :)

Jiggidy Jig

Yesterday I got a call from Andrea that went something like 'I have a song for you! It's about a donkey and they actually sing he haw hew haw in it'. OBVIOUSLY that meant it would be today's song, and thus the little known and yet, hysterically awesome 'Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey'...

Mistletoe Hung Where You Can See

My cousin, Jack, was the ONLY person who checked to make sure that I would in fact get a song on the blog yesterday, and thus he is the winner of today's Christmas song request. As you will be able to tell, Jack has similar Christmas musical tastes to his dad, which was Day 6, and has requested Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree as performed by Gary Hoey (this was unfortunately the best quality sound I could get for this specific version)...



For those who would prefer a more classic take on Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree, here is the Brenda Lee version... :)

I Really Must Say...

...Baby, It's Cold Outside! No really, it is. It also happens to be a song that has been requested by both Lisa and Nicole. Lisa suggested the Royal Crown Revue version, which I am loving, so here you go...hope you are sitting by a fire to listen to it like I am :)

A Little 80s Rock Band for your Christmas

Yesterday 12 people from my church went to see the production 'Every Christmas Story Ever Told (and then some)'. If you have a production group doing it near you, I would HIGHLY recommend it. You will in essence laugh from the beginning to the end. It's done by only 4 actors and they literally go through every Christmas story you remember growing up, so they are going back and forth changing costumes the entire time. It's awesome. One of our favorite sections was when they did the Nutcracker, I'm still laughing thinking about it. So, I decided for today's song we would post my friend, Lisa's request of "anything Trans-Siberian Orchestra", and go with their version of Nutcracker...which just so happens to be an awesome version :)

Deck the Halls

Next up on the request list - my sister-in-law Tabbi's request for 'Deck the Halls'. Her maiden name was Hall so of course people loved to use the fact that their last name matched the song :) I love the version by Ottmar Liebert and I found this video of someone's house that the set up to light up to the song...yeah, kinda intense :)



but in case you are in the mood for a more classic version, here you go, I went with Bing Crosby as I'm watching White Christmas for the first time...I know, scandelous for a Christmas crazy person such as myself :)

Brilliant

I know, again it's a double song day, but no self respecting Christmas-song-a-day poster could find this one and not immediately post it for others to share in. They play these songs entirely on I-pads and I-phones. Love it!



Link

Check off my Christmas list

For my lovely Ashley on her birthday who requested 'the original Santa Baby'...ladies and gentlemen, Eartha Kitt...



Link

African Noel

Today we are going to double up on the song-a-day! I went to Abbi's concert tonight and loved a song they did called 'An African Celebration' arranged by Sally Albrecht and sung in English and Swahili. Via internet searching I found that it can also be called African Noel. It is beautiful!



but, I think I like this version of it a bit better (sung all in Swahili)...

Said the Night Wind to the Little Lamb...

Maia gets today's favorite Christmas song for all her mental support in making Mr. Frozen Turkey yesterday (blog post to follow for your laughing pleasure). Ladies and Gentlemen...Robert Goulet in 'Do You Hear What I Hear'...



Link

What does a Hippo and Christmas have in common?

This song. At Allison's request and my wholehearted agreement I offer for today 'I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas'. If you have not heard this song you are in for a treat - and the video on this one is as hilarious as the song. I am pretty sure my favorite line is 'Mom says a hippo would eat me up, but then, teacher says a hippo is a vegetarian'. AWESOME!



Technologically troubled - link here.

Stille Nacht

Today's song requested for you by Ms. Cynthia - Brandy and my Charleston mom as we like to say :) Now, Cynthia actually updated her request after I found this, but it is so pretty in the original German that I couldn't let it go. Plus - the International Church of God should be spreading some international cheer :) I'll post her amended request later this month.



And for those who have been having issues with the YouTube opening up on the blog, go to this link.

Soon it will be Christmas Day

So, now I'm loving the daily Christmas song even more! Today I got an e-mail from my Aunt Tami saying 'Requests? Silver Bells'. I love it! So, I have a few songs on the burner that I will throw in if not requested at some point, but send them my way! :)

A Unique Song

Today's Christmas song is my Uncle John's favorite. My Aunt Dona says that she has to listen to bad Christmas rock music all month waiting for them to play this song. So last night we found it on YouTube and called him - with no introduction from a number that he didn't know he listened to this very long song with no complaints, other than the occasional Hello? and mentioned to Jack, 'I think they are playing Father Christmas'. It was hysterical. So, this is likely a new one for most of you, and I would preview before allowing children to listen because it's a little harsh on poor Santa.

Five GOLD RINGS...bada bum bum

Can you guess what today's song is based on the blog title? I have decided it is super fun to decide on daily Christmas songs based on different people's favorites. So, today's song is for my dad...John Denver and the Muppets in the 12 Days of Christmas...this is pretty much the only version I can listen to because I keep wanting Miss Piggy to sing the 5 golden rings part :)

Jack Frost Isn't Nipping at My Nose

Brandy and I are sitting with a balcony door open after our 8 mile morning run, but I think it's quite chilly pretty much everywhere else. So, at my Aunt Dona's request, from the three of us in Jacksonville, we offer you...The Christmas Song (sung by Nat King Cole of course).

Let it Snow

I think it's only appropriate that as I head to Florida for the weekend, the Christmas song for the day involves something cold and wet that falls from the sky :) This song always reminded my mom of her mom, and so in memory of my Nanny and my mom....Let it Snow

Can I get a Hallelujah?

There is only one CD that is considered for the first Christmas CD of the season in the Walker household - and that is Ronnie. Christmas with Ronnie Milsap to be specific, but little does he know that our family is on a first name basis with him. 'Do you have Ronnie on?' is a common question when one of us tells the other one we are listening to Christmas music. For the longest time we were all listening to it on a tape because that is all we had, but then one year Brandy and I found CDs on Amazon, and promptly bought three. And so, I feel it's only fair to let you all hear just who has won our Christmas music hearts. I present, Ronnie in his Christmas Medley...

And so it begins...

Welcome to December everyone! According to Buddy the Elf the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear. And so, I'm not totally promising, but I'm making a very large effort to post a song for every day until Christmas.

It wasn't hard to choose today's song. It was one of my mom's favorites and every time she heard it she said it reminded her of going with my Pappy (her dad) to a very specific Christmas party every year. You would think after hearing about it so many time I would know where that Christmas party was, but I don't. But every time I hear it I have this very specific scene in my mind...who knows if it matches reality, but I like it :) And so I present for day #1...Jingle Bell Rock!


Oh, and if you don't know who Buddy the Elf is, you need to go buy the movie Elf IMMEDIATELY!!!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Tomorrow is December 1st. In the Walker house that means the Christmas decorations are brought out, the Christmas earrings and shirts are brought to the top of the drawers and the Christmas music is drifting through the air. There is one very simple reason for this. We love Christmas. My grandmother loved Christmas. My mom loved Christmas. I love Christmas. Somehow my family manages to continue loving what there is to love about Christmas and ignoring the rest rather than letting it spoil the fun.

This year is the first time I will have to celebrate Christmas without my mom. Just typing that sentence made me cry. I have to admit that I feel like a bit of a damper will be put on the Christmas joy. If I was another person who was raised by another mom I may be able to accept that and move on with the Christmas season. I however am my mother's daughter, and come hell or high water we WILL celebrate Christmas, and we WILL do it with a joyful heart. My mom lost her mom in 1996. She celebrated 13 Christmas' without her and I never saw her skip a beat. Not having my Nanny there made her cry at times, it made her reminisce, but it never made her skip Christmas, or any part of it.

And so, this year I am going to celebrate Christmas with my head up and my heart open. I may cry more (ok, I'm going to cry a lot), but I'm going to face this head on and there is nothing this stupid world and all it's pain can do to stop me. My mom would expect nothing less.

Happy Thanksgiving

October 3, 1863

By the President of the United States
A Proclamation

The year that is drawing toward its close has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever-watchful providence of Almighty God.

In the midst of a civil war of unequaled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign states to invite and provoke their aggressions, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere, except in the theater of military conflict; while that theater has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union.

Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defense have not arrested the plow, the shuttle, or the ship; the ax has enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege, and the battlefield, and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom.

No human counsel hath devised, nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.

It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently, and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and one voice by the whole American people. I do, therefore, invite my fellow-citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next as a Day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the heavens. And I recommend to them that, while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners, or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty hand to heal the wounds of the nation, and to restore it, as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes, to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility, and union.

In testimony whereof, I have hereunto set my hand and caused the seal of the United Stated States to be affixed.

Done at the city of Washington, this third day of October, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, and of the Independence of the United States the eighty-eighth.

Abraham Lincoln

My Thanks

I think a lot when I drive. While driving home for Thanksgiving this year I thought a lot about what I am thankful for this year. For the past three weeks I have talked to the kids on Sundays about being thankful in all circumstances and we had many discussions of the various things we forget to be thankful for. And so, with 10 hours of driving ahead of me I started praying about consciously being thankful in all circumstances, and therefore being thankful this year in these circumstances. About halfway through North Carolina I determined what I am most thankful for this year. And so I offer up my thanks for 2010...

I am thankful for my family, my friends, and my church. This year more than ever before I could not have made it without them. I am thankful for a Dad who even in his greatest moments of grief asks my sister about me, because I am and always will be his little girl. I am thankful for a sister who laughs with me in the good times...and the bad, stands beside me no matter how bad the storm gets while we are standing there, and reminds me to keep my head up when we both just want to curl up in a ball and call it quits. I am thankful for aunts who send me poems to make me smile in the morning, grandparents who send me their tithes to support my missions trips (even before I'm sure that I'm going again), and friends who let me tell the same story 10 times and act like it's the first time they have heard it. I am thankful that I have a church family who treats me like real family, kids at church who when they are asked what they are thankful for say they are thankful for me, and a church that seeks God in all they do, not tradition or convenience or prestige. But most of all I am thankful that God has given me all of these. I am thankful that God has given me a purpose and a place in the body of Christ because more than ever I understand how worthless life is without these.

Somewhere north of Richmond I was talking to my dad and he read me this from my mom's journal he has been reading through: "Your purpose is about Him. Get serious about your purpose! Loving and serving." So, apparently, had my mom read this post tomorrow she would have told me to get serious about the purpose I am thankful God has given me :)

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
- 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Happy Thanksgiving.

3 months

It's been three months since I last told my mom I loved her. I whispered it in her ear and told her I'd miss hearing her perky little voice. She squeezed my hand. It may seem random and simple, but today I decided that is one of the things I miss the most...just telling her I love her, and having her hear me say it. Today I decided that if a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, it does not make a sound. Saying it without her hearing it is not the same.

A Good Way to Start a Morning

Today is my intern, Lauton's birthday. Not only is he a spectacular intern in that he's really good at his job, but he is a spectacular intern because he thinks of things like BRINGING ME CAKE ON HIS BIRTHDAY! You read that right, for HIS birthday, I got a piece of his crepe birthday cake. It's from the Charleston Crepe Company, which is one of my favorite reasons for going to the farmer's market on Saturday mornings. Except that instead of just one crepe, there are 30, and every layer has chocolate in between it. This day is off to a REALLY good start!

Today...backwards

11:00 Right now I am sitting on the bed listening to the dishwasher clean the dishes that I finally took the time to stack inside of it rather than cover my countertop. I would like to say goodnight to my mom.

10:00 I organized the pictures I've been meaning to organize so that I know which ones I need to buy from Snapfish by the end of the week before the deal for free prints runs out. What I need to buy starts after my mom's bone marrow transplant...it seems so long ago, but it's less than a year.

9:00 I looked through my scrapbook to figure out what pages need to be done and finished a few quick ones to close out a book. In that book was a page of Christmas in 2008, when my mom didn't have cancer anymore...

8:00 I got home from bible study and looked at my disaster house that I haven't had the energy to clean up since Brandy left, it's kinda hard to care when you know no one else is going to see it and you are exhausted.

7:00 I finished up a lesson on Psalm 126 - I'm still in the process of making my heart agree with my brain that it will all be ok and I will reap with songs of joy again one day.

6:00 I drank a cup of apple cider with Leslie and Jeannie before bible study started and listened to Hillsong sing on the TV. We played that DVD in my mom's hospital room when she was there for GVH. I can still explain every detail of that room.

5:00 I tried to keep myself from freaking out on a conference call that I was still on and wasn't going anywhere fast...and it was 5:00.

4:00 Same conference call, less freaking out of the brain since I hadn't been there as long yet.

3:00 I walked into my office from getting Starbucks Gingerbread latte with Maia - a good way to start a conference call.

2:00 Maia and I worked on the Christmas party invite for the DNR Christmas party that we can't call a Christmas party. One of my personal pet peeves. A spade is a spade people, whether it's PC to be a spade or not.

1:00 I gave up attempting to answer all the e-mails and started coloring them by priority so I knew which ones NEEDED to be done which day.

12:00 I was in the middle of a conference call I was running, which was actually being very productive and only lasted 30 minutes.

11:00 I realized I had 49 e-mails in my inbox even though at the beginning of the day I had looked there were 46 and I had been answering e-mails since then...how does that math work?!

10:00 I organized the notes that needed to be sent out yesterday but had been lost in my e-mail inbox and because I hadn't taken the time to organize it didn't realize they were in there.

9:00 I chatted with Lauton about the day and attempted to convince my brain to choose things to do today based on priority rather than random non-sequential and unlogical efforts that resulted in my feeling like yesterday was a waste of time.

8:00 I realized that I really need to get moving if I planned on actually being at work on time. When I got in the car at 8:15 I wanted to call my mom...like I do every single morning when I get in the car at 8:15.

7:00 I forced myself out of bed, much to the excitement of Kaylinn who was all about going for a walk.

6:00 My alarm went off to tell me that I really should get out of bed if I wanted to get anything done before Nikole called at 6:30 and I would be otherwise engaged in conversation until 7:00. I hit snooze and rolled over.

No real reason for any of that, I'm just back in the procrastination before bedtime because I want to cry myself to sleep mode. I figured I hadn't posted since the Panama blog and at the very least it was a more interesting way to see my day. Friday will be 3 months. The living life and then thinking about my mom and then having to go back to living life hasn't stopped yet. I find it interesting that there is no transition in or out of the thought - it's just a random thought in the middle of the day that seems harmless until reality hits. And reality isn't gentle when it hits, perhaps I should buy it some boxing gloves.

As an aside, if you haven't seen Memento, you should.

Happy Veterans Day

This is a beautiful video of photos taken by one of the teacher's at Brandy's school, David Hessell. If you like photography check out his site, his pictures are incredible! Happy Veterans Day to all of those who have served in our armed forces.

Who are these guys?

International Church of God Panama Missions Trip 2010...A.K.A. Who are these guys?

12 people - 3 islands - 8 days - 1,045 patients - 1 unit of Panamanian Special Forces...this is the story of Panama Missions Trip 2010.

Our Abridged Version:
Monday - There are a lot of well-armed guys here, kinda creepy. They seem a bit suspicious of us. Hey, there's one in the bushes near our shower - What Is Up?! We are here to help the Kuna not hurt them...kinda in my space.

Tuesday - OK, now we understand a bit more. There is an increase in guard because of Colombian guerilla that have pillaged the villages in this area. These guys are for the protection of the Indians - but so many, and they do this crazy flashlight talk at night; is that really necessary? Kinda weird.

Wednesday - Well now, these well-armed, very serious soldiers or 'policia' are escorting us to the next village to ensure our safe passage...ok this is fine. This would make us feel safe if we thought our safety was threatened but nothing 'seems' dangerous. Nice touch but maybe a bit overkill.

Thursday or what we now call CID (Critical Information Day): We now decide we cannot do without our protective force. It turns out the Panamanian government issued the guard for OUR small group to cover us 24/7 because the Colombian guerilla know we are here.....ok..... Another nugget: The guerilla in this area are also responsible for the supply lines for their counterpart in Colombia. Supplies such as medications which, hello, we could treat every guerilla's foot fungus for years-type supplies!! So now we realize the equation:
Americans (especially women) + doctors + supplies = hook-up for guerilla!!!
Ok, these soldiers guys better hang close - please sir, my space is your space; keep your hand on that gun!!

Friday - Panamanian soldiers are injured nearby when guerilla set trap on Panamanian territory. Two men lose limbs and are flown to hospital on the mainland. This is serious folks. These soldiers' lives are at risk and they are protecting Us. This is officially a level three mission trip (to be explained later). Everyone is on high alert (and when I say everyone, I only mean the guys in camouflage because we are clueless for the most part). Our guys now get to escort us again to the third village via their boat instead of traipsing six hours through the jungle as originally planned. They now get to ride in the very large and very fast boat to village #3. Did I mention we also witnessed these guys commandeer another, most likely up to no good, probably drug-running, most likely arms-trading speed boat while we were in transit to the last village. We weren't sure if we were about to witness simply an arrest or an actual 'taking out the enemy' kind of encounter. No shots were fired but since the village was not secured for our team because of the slight distraction, we were able to witness a different degree of protection: sharpshooters. As we were relaxing with the family in the village just off the shore, again clueless, we wandered back to the beach area to see multiple men lying on the ground with their guns pointed north. The tactic of skillful shooting is now temporarily replacing the volume of men for our guard. That was one of the most awakening moments of this adventure.

Saturday - Did I already say we are in village #3, Armilla, because it is when we are here that we find out that the guerilla were encamped about us in the jungles of village #2, Anachukuna! No wonder God gave us Psalms 23:5. We also realize that there were Kuna spies in that village communicating with the guerilla and most likely were their source for the one week heads-up that we were visiting the area. (side note: We must have seemed quite bold to those villagers holding clinic and services with those silly targets covering us.)

Sunday - At this point, things are becoming about as clear as our Panamanian bathwater, before we used it. Now it makes sense as to why the soldiers remained no more than five feet from the pharmacy and why they knew all our names and where were are at all times. It also makes sense, in a very surreal kind of way, why they said to us, 'Call us if you return to the area because you will need us.' We now have a platoon of Navy Seal and Army special forces-trained guys who have said, 'Give us a call'. Who else can say this??? Did I mention they are also men in God's army now? Yes, they all surrendered their hearts to Christ and recognize His authority and His protection. We watched as they all read Psalms 91 holding the Word with one hand and their weapons with the other under the dim light of one of the most amazing nights I've ever spent in Panama.

And now for the Full Scoop:
We (and I mean we - this is the story of the Panama Mission Trip as relayed by Becky, Allison, Jen, and Angela) have decided that the trip sound bites, as captured in our journals, best sum up our experience. Here we go...

"This is fun. It's like a ride." - Jeff
Jeff spoke approximately 50 words on this trip - 49 of them were sarcastic, all of them were hysterical. At 6:30am on Sunday, June 20th (Father's Day), 2010, the 9 International Church of God (ICOG) members of our 12 member team met at the church to load our 18 suitcases for transport to the airport. At 7:00am we began checking in. Medicine is critical when going on a medical mission trip - LOTS of medicine. We had spent well over 100 man hours organizing, packing, unpacking, reorganizing, and repacking medicine into our 18 suitcases. Please note: clothes were not included in these 18 suitcases. One had hammocks, one had toiletries, one had tarps and supplies, and the remaining 15 had medicine - LOTS of medicine. (We did take clothes, they just had to fit in our carry-ons...didn't want you to worry)

Trip Hurdle #1 - Get all bags onto the plane without repacking, leaving anything behind, or paying the $50-$450 overweight baggage fee. We pre-weighed the bags at the church to get as close as possible to the 50 pound limit on each (did you know a gallon plastic bag of toothbrushes weighs approximately 5 pounds, or a gallon plastic bag of vitamins weighs a hefty 10 pounds?...we did)
God's Solution #1 - Chad's check-in scale was broken - 2 bags. The agent weighing Craig's bags (which we know were the heaviest) didn't even look at the scale (we did...it wasn't 50). Jen's bags originally weighed in a 51 and 53 pounds, but without anything changing the scale dropped to 45 and 49 pounds. Angela's bag weighed 52 pounds, we removed a stack of plastic bags used to hand out meds and added it to a carry-on and the beautiful number 50 popped up on the scale. By the way - shout out to Publix for donating plastic grocery bags, which are light-weight, do not take up much room, and as you find out on the Kuna Islands are both multi-functional and worth 10 times their weight in gold (granted, gold isn't worth much when there is no real use of money).

With that, we had breakfast, enjoyed Sunday morning service, grabbed lunch, and headed back to the airport where in no time at all we found ourselves in Atlanta...

A brief layover, some more time spent in the last aisle (we don't want to talk about it), and we were waiting in line at customs in Panama City...

The only hitch in customs was the lady not believing Jen was a missionary...stay tuned for her thoughts on that. Lots of verbs come to mind when talking about Panama. - waiting is VERY HIGH ON THE LIST.

After hotel check in and dinner we headed to bed at 12:30am and woke up at 4:45am to head to the plane that would take us to the islands. More waiting, more bag drama, and half of us were off to Puerto Obaldia.

Our pilot was not nearly as interested in what was outside the window as we were...

...yes, he has a sunshade and he is reading. Allison was reading with him in fact, that's how close we were to them. Never fear, the other pilot seemed far more interested in his job. From our little windows we got to see the boats lined up to go through the Panama Canal (they look tiny on the picture)...

and the varied topography of Panama...

Upon landing we took up residence on someone's front porch (we still aren't sure if anyone we knew actually knew who they were or if we were totally confusing and so they didn't say anything to us) and waited for the second half of our group to arrive.

The rest of our team was dealing with Trip Hurdle #2: getting the medicine out of Panama City and to the Kuna Islands. This required bilingual, on your toes problem solving, with multiple government officials, even after Angela spent hours collecting (and making triplicate copies) all the documents said government officials had requested. God Solution #2: After 2 hours of being sent all over town, take a firm stand outside the Minister of Health office, and get the signatures as he happened to pass by. Finally, they too were on the way to the Islands...WITH the medicine.

Once everyone arrived we checked in with the board guard to register our arrival and...waited...again...in the heat...with our mini fans...looking like total Americans.

Side Note: this sign was on the lawn of the soldiers' compound. Pisar means 'to step'...hence this means 'do not step on the grass'. Pastor was very sure it could be translated to mean 'don't pee on the grass'. Right.

Puerto Obaldia was not even our first island. However, at this point transportation took a new state of matter - WATER. It was fun...it was like a ride.

"I'm about to have my first albino encounter!" - Jeff
There is a higher concentration of albino people in the Kuna Island than anywhere in the world. Albinos make up 1% (1 in 100) of the population, as compared to 0.0059% (1 in 17,000) for the world overall. And so, as a first time Kuna Island missionary, Jeff was very excited to meet Blanco on our arrival at Carreto. As it turns out Blanco was very excited to meet Jeff and Craig. Jeff was one of the first white people she had ever seen, and Craig was her polar opposite - she actually touched his skin in wonder. We are so sad we didn't get a picture of Blanco, she is to this day one of our favorite Kunas. Side note about Blanco: really, did you need to name your albino child 'white'?

Upon reaching Carreto we found out a number of important facts:
1. We would not be visiting islands, as much as villages on the edge of Panama...bordered by jungle.
2. The military were awaiting our arrival. (look closely)

3. We would be required to stay within a perimeter predetermined by the military (refer back to 'Monday' of the abridged version to know what we thought of this)

"It's going to be a tough night." - Lenny
Prayer Watch. Those two words, in the end, turned out to be the main reason we were brought to this corner of the world. Each night 4 people got out of their hammocks, ignored their brain telling them to climb back in, and took their position as night watchmen. Isaiah 21:6-7 - For thus has the Lord said to me, go set a watchman, let him declare what he sees...and he listened earnestly with great care. Two at a time, we listened to praise music, watched, and prayed. Two from midnight until 3am, and two from 3am until 6am. Some nights were tougher than others, and it was better to be prepared for a tough night ahead of you.

It took us a while to realize that we were the spiritual counterpart to the soldiers' physical watch. Once we realized why exactly they were with us, we recognized the mutual exchange of protection - they protect us in the natural and we cover them in the spiritual. We also honestly believe, based on how they interacted with us after seeing multiple nights of prayer watches, that they too understood this awesome parallel. God Solution #3 when we didn't even know Trip Hurdle #3 was the guerrillas.

"Hook him up. He's got a gun." - Allison

Every day we set up a medical clinic and pharmacy. We began seeing patients at 9am, took a lunch break around noon, started back up at 1pm, and closed up shop usually around 4pm. Each island had a different location, but the schedule of events was the same. The Kuna Indians started by taking a number (very American, and very difficult to explain in Kuna why this should be done) and having a seat. Craig or Allison would meet them in triage, which involved taking names, ages, symptoms, and a lot of translation. From Kuna to Spanish to English and back from English to Spanish to Kuna.

From there, they met Lenny or Angela for examination, diagnosis and prescription. Some times this took only moments, others involved more detailed interaction...and translation.

The primary conditions were fever, cough, diarrhea, lice, scabies, fungus, and pain. In the U.S., these are the things we walk to our well stocked drug store to address whenever we have a concern. In the Kuna Islands, these things can go from minor to major pretty quick, because the drug store doesn't exist. Many of the kids had infections from simple bug bites because of the lack of sanitation.

After receiving their prescription, they moved to the pharmacy. The pharmacy was intense. Before leaving Charleston, we separated medicine into suitcases so that each village would have access to the different types - cough, cold, pain, fever, stomach, antibiotics, antifungals...you get the picture. The suitcases looked nice and organized.

Then clinic started. At the discretion of the 'pharmacist' (I use this term loosely as it was Becky and Jen, neither of which have any sort of pharmacy degree) and the instruction of the doctors (who actually really are doctors), pre-bagged medicines were dispensed. All the instructions had been translated into Spanish, but most of the people only spoke Kuna so there was an additional layer of translation needed when explaining how to take the medicine. Add to this that there were generally 4-6 kids in addition to adults on the prescription, we had two sharpies and plastic bags with which to make it clear who got what meds and in what quantity, each family got toothbrushes and vitamins in addition to their prescriptions, all the sheets you are filling out are in Spanish so you have to make sure you are marking the right area, it's HOT with no ventilation (Jen's description was feeling like someone had started up a space heater and positioned it in front of your face), and you have yourself a wild ride. There were two of us in there for a reason and it was not just to make it easier to do the work, it was to keep each other sane.

The first day, after noting that Jen and Becky could possibly at any moment have a breakdown, Lenny suggested Allison join them in the pharmacy until they got themselves in a groove. This, being the first day, was the first time we provided medicine to the soldiers in addition to the Kuna Indians. The soldiers didn't have much access to even as simple as an ACE bandage, so don't think we were skimping out on the villagers. When Allison read off our first soldier's prescription she followed up the note Angela had written 'extra pain meds' with 'Hook him up. He's got a gun.'

Each afternoon, when clinic ended, we handed out reading glasses. The Kuna people would line up (after coaxing) and come one by one to the table to try on the different prescriptions to see which was the best. The women practiced on their molas to determine if the prescription was strong enough to see when threading their needles. Molas are the tapestry like needlework that the Kuna Indians are known for. They are amazingly beautiful and extremely difficult to make - reverse embroidery for anyone who knows what that means (my grandmother is the only one I know that does).

"Comida?" - Pastor, pointing the monkey after Jeff insisted that it was not for food
During clinic time each day, Pastor, Chad and Jeff walked the island, praying and going hut to hut to invite everyone to both the clinic and our nightly services. Through translators, they enjoyed the Kuna's unique brand of hospitality at each home and offered to pray for anyone who was willing. During their visits old women would get up and insist that their guests have a seat, and were offered many unusual drinks. The evangelism team truly walked away with a better understanding of how the Kuna people live. Among the strange things they encountered was a monkey. Jeff was certain that this was a pet. Pastor was certain it was not. Upon asking the monkey's owner if it was 'for food', Pastor's hunch was validated by her saying 'si, por supuesto' - yes, of course.

On our first village of Carreto, hours after our team had finished walking and visiting the huts, we received reports that two people previously unable to walk were healed and now walking around. The one woman's husband had been carrying her to the bathroom because she could not use her legs at all. Gloria Dios.

"I know what the devil is doing. He's making fried chicken on my fasting night to tempt me. Mogi said he couldn't get chicken. I'll knock his eyes out." - Pastor...AKA "What is it? Does it taste good?...What is it? Does it taste good?" [repeat 10-15 times per meal] -Chad
Eating was a happy time on the Kuna Islands (although you couldn't tell by Jeff's face here)

Most meals consisted of rice, a protein and plantains. Lots and lots and lots of plantains.

The protein usually involved seafood, whether it was fish, conch, or crab or occasionally something like chicken (or monkey). Most of the time, we didn't ask, they didn't tell.

Every once and a while there was something exotic on the table that only Craig and/or Lenny had ever eaten (in Jamaica or Nigeria, respectively). This year, we had the distinct pleasure of eating soursap. I HIGHLY recommend it.

While eating is a highlight of the day, not everyone made it to the table each meal. We had been instructed before leaving for Panama to have a schedule of fasting times, in addition to our prayer schedule. Fasting, for those who are unfamiliar, is giving up food for a specific amount of time, for a spiritual purpose. From the time we landed on the Kuna Islands until the time we departed, someone from our team was fasting at all times.

The one night we had fried chicken happened to be Pastor's night to fast. But we all knew that regardless of the food we missed, the fasting was necessary to our ministry. In addition to possibly eating a monkey, we most likely ate this specific chicken...Pastor didn't miss anything...

"She ain't gonna make it, mon. She over their praying for Angela and she need prayer herself." - Craig ...AKA "I don't even know what we're praying for!" - Becky
Our third day involved a trip to our second village of Anachacuna, a half day of clinic at that village, and then service at night. Before we could move onto Anachacuna, the captain of the soldiers told us they would go ahead of us and "secure the village". Right - we never thought we would be in a position that someone would be "securing" anything. If you refer back to our abridged version, we were still pretty unsure of this whole soldier thing. But, some of us after talking with the soldiers realized that they seemed to be most concerned about this specific village, and apparently there was guerrilla activity most frequently there.

As a result of our prayer watches, our team had specific things to pray about for each village. For instance, on Anachacuna, we prayed about deception and death. We also prayed over anyone's dreams or visions. Lenny had a vision on Tuesday in which two guards were shot across a brackish area. There was much blood and violence because they were unprepared, not on guard. He felt he should share it with the captain, and once arriving on Anachacuna, the captain asked Lenny to go with him to an area behind the village. When arriving at the spot, Lenny confirmed it was the place he had seen in his vision. The captain increased the guard to four men and put booby traps around the area.

Each night when clinic closed, we would eat dinner and then conduct a service for the village. This usually took place in the courtyard outside the school. This was the location in Anachacuna, as the ladies from the village swept away the dirt...

The service was comprised of singing songs in Spanish, a sermon spoken THREE languages (Pastor spoke, Jerry translated to Spanish, and then Navas translated to Kuna), and prayer for people who needed salvation, healing, deliverance, and being filled with the Holy Spirit. The services did not start until after the Silas (leaders of each village) finished 'congress', which was usually around 7pm. Wednesday night we were told service could begin at 7pm as usual, but at 7:15 received a message that it would be 8:30 before we could start. At 8:30 we were told that a visiting Sila from Columbia would speak at congress and service would be delayed. Service actually started at 10:00pm. Angela and I were on the opposite end of the court from where the updates on service start times were arriving...hence, we were a bit confused about the whole thing.

Here is a quote from my journal: 'We were in the hot, I was exhaused, had a headache, my ankles were swollen, I had bug bites all over my legs, I was fasting dinner, but it was far more than all of these things combined. I can only guess that the spiritual aspect was intensifying the physical aspect. In Angela's words 'it was torture'. Little did the 4 girls know, but we were all experiencing the same overwhelming sense of exhaustion or stupor. At one point Angela asked me to pray because she had just fallen asleep sitting up. Craig, who was sitting next to Angela and I looked over at us and saw this. The next morning at breakfast we were recapping the evening, and Craig busted out with the quote above...apparently I wasn't looking very good either. Shortly after I had prayed for Angela, Jen came over to tell us to keep praying...unfortunately as you can see above, I was at a loss for what in world was going on, let alone what I was to pray about.

Needless to say, our first night on Anachacuna was rough...little did we know what was ahead of us...

"Then we were thrown in a room, told to put our heads down and waited for the guerrillas to kidnap us." - ...AKA "Let that woman at the airport ask me if I'm a missionary!" - Jen
When we arrived on Anachacuna we were instructed that if anything 'happened' while we were there, that we were to go directly into one of the rooms in the school - the safest building in the village. This is Angela and Allison enjoying the close confines of "the room" as it soon became known...

Thursday night - Critical Information Day (see abridged version). Before the service, the captain came to Pastor and Lenny and said that his men had asked to receive prayer. We found out the service would be delayed again, so they decided to pray with the soldiers while we waited. We watched, and listened to 17 soldiers praying for salvation in Spanish in unison. It was pretty awe-inspiring. Immediately upon concluding there was a sound that put the men on high alert. The next things we heard was this "Do they have to go? Yes they have to go now." The soldiers immediately dispersed to their assigned stations and we were ushered into "the room". It was awesome to see and hear how quickly these men moved to protect us. We were very literally told to sit along the wall and keep our head down.

Each of the four ladies had their own specific experience while we waited in "the room". Jen had an encounter with God as her Father like she never experienced before. Angela was looking for protection - specifically a knife, which I just so happened to have in my purse, and she just so happened to make sure of. Becky had a time of soul searching as God asked me whether it would be worth my life, if even one person we had already seen be saved went to heaven. Allison was contemplating God's faithfulness to his Word - specifically the three verses he had given us before we left Charleston. Joshua 1:9; Psalm 46:10; and Philippians 4:6-7. We don't know what the men and the Panamanians were thinking, but it was a pretty intense "20 minutes" (the standard Panamanian measurement of time).

Though it felt like hours, it really was only a short period of time before the soldiers returned with an 'all clear' and we were released from the room. It turns out the noise we had heard was one of the booby traps being set off. They believed after searching the village and the perimeter jungle that it was a palm branch. God had warned us to pray against a sneak attack, and we believe that had the soldiers had not been alert and obedient that the vision Lenny saw would have come to pass.

After returning from their stations, the soldiers lined up to be prayed for by Pastor, Lenny and Chad. Watching them pray protection over each of them individually was beautiful. It made me think about all that had to be put in place for that moment to occur. God, in His wisdom, made each thing happen for His purpose for each one of those men. We were blessed to be part of that plan.

"I'm telling you, Navy SEALS are MY size." - Chad
The soldiers were planning on walking from Anachacuna through the jungle to our third village, of Armila. Their standard job was patrolling the jungle, and as we had found out the night before, the jungle around Anachacuna was the base of operations for the Colombian guerrilla supply chain. As noted in our abridged version, when we awoke, we found out that they would instead be accompanying us by boat to Armila. This was due to the fact that two Panamanian soldiers had been injured by land mines set by guerrillas.

Their boat, as you can see, was rather intense, much larger than ours, and could go a WHOLE LOT FASTER. We found out just how fast when en route to Armilla our soldiers had to chase down drug runners in the open ocean. Does Craig look as though it's perhaps his secret mission to protect us...and perhaps specifically our Pastor?

Yes? Because that's what our soldier thought! We had found out the night before that in scoping our team out through conversation the soldiers had picked up on the fact that Chad had been in the Navy and Craig is in the Navy. Their obvious conclusion was that they were Navy SEALS, protecting the Pastor. Chad assured us that this was not illogical thinking. No really, SEALS are their size. :)

"Here we go again" - Jerry (said into the microphone in ENGLISH when no one speaks English)
On Armila, we followed the same pattern - clinic, evangelism, service, prayer watch - but everything seemed more heightened. At a specifically intense moment in the last service Jerry, generally only translating what Pastor said into Spanish, said into the microphone in English 'Here we go again". I'm pretty certain no one but us understands how completely hysterical that was and yet it totally summed up the moment.

"You can probably take two, you're bigger than the Kunas" - Angela
One very different aspect of Armila was the presence of a military base in the village. It was here that "our soldiers", as we liked to call them by that point in the trip, turned us over to protection by these police. After closing down clinic and pharmacy the last day, we organized the undistributed medicine into a couple of suitcases to leave with people in Panama. We left extra supplies with the school superintendent, as we had done in each village. Additionally we left supplies with both, the chief Sila, and Pastor Navas (our go-to-guy for all things Kuna). We also put together a suitcase together for the medic at the police station on Armila.

We took the meds over to their compound before dinner that night and in explaining how to administer each type, Angela let the medic know he could give two Tylenol instead of one...since they were bigger than the Kunas and all.

Allison and one of the Kuna translators, Lilly. Note: Allison is only 5'3".

Angela's head towering over the 'high' walls of the bathroom on Anacachuna

Our last suitcase was handed to the head guy over our captain and soldiers. Once we realized just how much danger we had been in over the past week, we were very grateful for the presence of 'our soldiers'. These men had been carrying out orders handed down from the President of Panama to protect us. No wonder God told us before we left 'Go in peace, I've gone before you.'

"Friend, Friend. Where are you from?" - Random Kuna man...in English..not joking
Before we left Armila, Pastor Navas's family presented us with gifts the ladies had made.

Pastor Navas and Tina

The next morning, Sunday, we waved goodbye to our soldiers and returned by boat to where it all began - Puerto Obaldia. As WikiTravel describes Puerto Obaldia, it is "a ramshackle collection of decrepit houses, mostly with damage or missing roofs, a beach littered with rubbish...a little known and dirt cheap alternative to travel from Columbia to Panama and vice versa."

(check out how amazingly camouflaged he is!)

As we waited, and waited, and waited for our plane, Jen commented 'I feel like I'm on the set of a music video of a really weird song'. In other words, we concur with WikiTravel.

Despite our surroundings, Lenny, Craig and Chad did find a way to watch the World Cup...yes, they are sitting on someone's porch and watching the TV through the window

I remember waiting last year in Panama, but there is something about the passage of a year that dulls the experience...after a week of being reminded it was all we could do to get through the last leg of waiting...waiting on the plane that was supposed to pick us up at 8am, and yet come noon it still hadn't left Panama City...oh, the world of waiting. There were other travelers waiting here as well. One of them, after chatting about what he was doing, asked us how our vacation was. We sat there staring at him unsure of how to answer that question - Jeff's response summed it up 'That was the worst vacation I've ever taken'...not that it wasn't an amazing experience, it was just definitely not a vacation!

Needless to say we were happy to be back in Panama City, have a hot shower that didn't involve buckets or praying that your Hepatitis B shots are working, and glorious, glorious coffee...as an FYI macchiatos are not the same when you aren't at Starbucks, notice you can't even see the cup Jen is holding it was that small (and strong).

Some lice and scabes creme, a nights sleep on a flat bed, another hot shower, some jeans, lip gloss and mascara and you have yourself some happy campers (well ok, only the girls were excited about the lip gloss and mascara).

We hope you enjoyed it - we are blessed to have experienced it, but glad to be home!

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