Pelican Rescue

Today we went for what we expected to be a relatively quiet walk on the beach. There have certainly not been many people out on the beach these days which makes for a relaxing walk if you bundle up enough, and we wanted to take some of my mom's ashes to the ocean. We continued up the beach and found outselves a little task to attend to that my mom would have found quite entertaining...a pelican rescue.


We noticed a pelican sitting on the beach, which in itself was odd, but then we saw the surf was coming in and he wasn't really moving out of it's way, which was more odd. Then we saw him try to fly away from the surf at which point we realized his wing and foot were hurt. On the cell phone I went, thankfully knowing the number for DNR only to hear the most absurd message ever, which after pressing a few buttons gave me a number to call if I was calling about an injured animal, another number to call if I was calling about a nuisance animal, information about how to find stuff on the internet, and then said you could leave a message and they would call you back on January 4th. Wow, thanks for the help. Somehow I feel like if I'm calling about an injured animal I'm not going to be on a computer, January 4th is of no help, and by this point people who have issues remembering numbers are having issues remembering the first number you listed really fast.


While all that was happening a family walked up and was talking with my dad, Brandy, Matt and Tabbi. After I dial the number that I'm hoping I remembered correctly and a voice said 'hold on one minute' and then was talking on another line, I wait thankfully to find out that the family that walked up had already called DNR so I can hang up on this very long process of getting in touch with someone at my office the week I know NO ONE is in the office! They inform us that there is not one at the office (yep, I figured that one) but that if we could get Mr. Pelican into the car we could drop him off at the Birds of Prey Rehabilitation about a half hour up the road. That is where our staff would have taken it anyway, I guess there were just not enough DNR people in the office to do the transporting. So, the DNR person told her some very handy tips such as the fact you can't hold their bills closed or they can't breathe, the inside of their bill is razor sharp, their necks are very resilient, and when you pick them up they will only weigh about 4 pounds, much lighter than you think.

We made attempt number one as our new friends' husband ran to grab their car, which they had put a laundry basket and towels in from their house. We realized one of the problems was going to be the fact that when we walked towards him he tried to fly away very sadly, which took him further into the surf. We were concerned about this but just planning our attack until the surf actually knocked him over and he was floundering underwater until he finally flipped back over. Brandy, who had already had her shoes off was rolling up her pants, and my shoes were coming off in moments. Brandy walked out into the surf (which by the way was FREEZING) to keep him from trying to go back out into the waves, I walked out into the surf but not at far which got him to look away from my direction to try to get away, and our friend swept in quickly from the side and grabbed him before we even knew what happening. It was pretty impressive! Mr. Pelican was none too happy with this process and decided to try to bite our new friend so my dad held his little neck so he wasn't swinging it wildly about (good thing we knew not to hold his beat shut!).

We all ran him out to the road (through briars on the ground on our bare feet) and into the back of their car and they headed out to give him a fighting chance at the rehabilitation center. We then headed back to the house on our freezing little tootsie toes and into some warm socks. It was all rather eventful to say the least, and certainly added some spice to the scattering of my mom's ashes...but that's probably how she would have liked it :)

Our friend's daughter captured the saving of Roger the pelican as they named him on the way to the rehabilitation center. Yes, I am at this moment wearing no jacket, a massive winter hat and am in bare feet...you have to be nimble when saving pelicans and the hat keeps you someone warm at least :)

God's Poem

Today, I am sitting in my dad's bedroom by the pellet stove watching snow fall on the deck, thinking about the last time I did this...It was February and Brandy and I were sitting in my parent's bedroom by the pellet stove watching snow fall on the deck. In this same chair, doing this same thing I posted 'The Big Snow' while my mom and dad were staying the night in a Holiday Inn in Baltimore so that my mom could get to Hopkins in the morning for her daily tests. That is the same Holiday Inn my dad and I took a nap in 4 months ago days before my mom died.

Maybe it's the onset of Christmas and everyone asking what it is you want, but as of late, I have been trying to determine what it is I really want. Even in my prayers, I tell God I have no idea what I want from Him. I can sense as I pray that it's something God wants me to figure out because somehow that is going to help me deal with my grief, but I have been having problems doing it. On the surface I could say what I want is more time with my mom, but as I pray I can sense there is something more to it. About 3 days ago I realized what it is...What I really want is normal back. My normal has been utterly and completely changed, and I want it back.

I figured it out as I was reading Joni Eareckson Tada's newest book 'A Place of Healing'. She quotes Mary Jane Iron's statement on normal:

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are...Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in my pillow, or stretch myself taunt, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return."

My parents taught me how to be a person that didn't take things for granted, appreciate what you have and accept what you don't. We lived today, not waiting until tomorrow to do something or say something or go somewhere if we were able to. I appreciated my mom and I told her and showed her that I loved her, and yet I so long to tell her again. Brandy and I wrote in our eulogy that we can't say we really regret anything we didn't do with or didn't say to our mom, and yet there is an aching that we didn't do everything we could have. I realized that longing, that aching is for the normal day. My dad and I were talking on Christmas Eve about the fact that you will always ask for one more day, one more 'i love you', one more hug...it's just the nature of the beast. That asking is asking for the normal. When I scream at God that I'm angry and I don't know why, I'm angry because I don't have my normal. When I cry in my pillow and can't put a finger on why, it's because I just had a moment that should have been normal and wasn't. I have very much realized over the past few months that it's not the huge things I miss, it's the little things...it's the normal things.

It's hard to appreciate normal. Driving to work, sitting at a restaurant waiting for food, handing someone something from the fridge, watching a TV show together, checking on a recipie as you make it, going for a walk, finding out what someone did that day...that is normal...that is what I miss...that is what I long for. Do you know what I do regret? That we didn't videotape a normal day. But who thinks to videotape a normal day? You videotape a birthday, or a vacation spot, or a special event, but nobody videotapes making cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning and the random, non-important conversation that ensues. That, however it what I want. And as I write this I suddenly realize, that even if I had it, it wouldn't be enough. If I had that video, I would want a video of us sitting in the bedroom while my mom talked about the food network and Brandy and I laughed at how excited she was. And if I had that video, I would want a video of my dad coming home from work and giving my mom a kiss like he did every day....I would just want more because there are so many normal moments you can't possibly video them all. And it would seem wierd to have a video set up while you are going through your day :)

In the end, what I am coming to understand is that normal is always changing. Right now I'm getting used to a very severe kind of change in normal, the kind that makes it impossible to ever go back. I will never experience a 'normal Christmas' or 'normal drive to work' or 'normal day sitting by my parent's pellet stove' as I understand normal. I have to work out my new normal as I phrased it shortly after my mom died...I didn't know the wisdom of the words I was writing. How I figure that out is beyond me at this point, but I do think that knowing that is what I'm longing for will help me learn to let it go. God wasn't asking me to figure it out so he could wave it in my face and say 'well, too bad, you can't have it'. He was asking me to figure it out because in the figure out of what I wanted, I would start the process of figuring out the next question I'll ask Him.

Joni Eareckson Tada pointed out something very interesting about Ephesians 2:10, which says that we are God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. The word 'workmanship' in the original Greek is poiema, from which we get our English word 'poem'. What a beautiful way to look at yourself - as God's poem to the world. There are certainly some dark lines in my poem as of late, but if God knew in advance what he had planned for my poem to accomplish then these dark lines were supposed to be here. The normal in my previous stanzas is certainly not the normal that will be in my future stanzas, but I will keep trusting that 'God knows the plans he has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Then He Smiled At Me

Today's song is my mom's favorite Christmas song, 'Little Drummer Boy' - Merry Christmas!

Fall On Your Knees

I've had requests for a number of versions of this song, but since day 1, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day has been chosen...and we have arrived. 'O Holy Night' is possibly my favorite song of all time, not just Christmas, and I have yet to hear someone sing it like Ronnie Milsap. Granted, I am somewhat biased in my love for Ronnie at Christmas, but you listen to this version and tell me if much can stand up against it. I will leave you with my mom's thoughts on it..."If that song doesn't bring you to your knees, you don't have a soul."

Let Your Heart Be Light

I am headed home today...for my first Christmas without my mom. But I'm also headed home to a Christmas WITH my dad and Nikole and my aunts and uncles and grandparents. So, for today I'm going to post a song that for some reason seems to match how I feel heading home. There is something about 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas' that isn't so overwhelmingly 'everything is great' and yet is also sweetly joyful. I don't think that next year all my troubles will be out of sight, but have yourself a merry little Christmas now...

Hark Hear the Bells

Brandy is headed to Charleston as I write this! Her favorite song is 'Carol of the Bells'. She said it always reminds her of the craziness of the last few days before Christmas, so we saved it for the end of the Christmas song a day list. And, since she woke up at 7am this morning to get things rolling so they could get on their way we figured today she pretty much feels like this! I really wanted to put the Kenny Rogers version on here because that is the best version out there! But, unfortunately YouTube could not deliver on that. So, we shall go with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir version and then for good measure, and because Lisa and I were talking about Trans-Siberian Orchestra today, we'll add their version as well...

You Better Watch Out

Well, since I'm already on the computer this morning, now done attempting to find numbers to get in touch with bus companies, I figured I would post today's song. This is Kim's request, which I needed today - something about 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' makes you smile. And a new singer request - Dolly Parton!

New Contact

I have a new contact in my phone. It is labeled 'Idiot Bus Company'. This morning, my sister, my dad and I spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to get Nikole to school because these idiots decided that since Nikole said yesterday I was coming home 'Monday' they didn't need to pick her up. Every day is 'Monday' to Nikole. She is riding a special needs bus, don't you think they got the idea that she's special needs? and maybe just maybe they should have an actual note from her parent to say that yes in fact she does not need to be picked up seeing as how my mom always wrote her a note and my dad now writes her notes when she doesn't need to get picked up? I guess that's too hard of a concept to understand.

How Are You? - an update

It seems the 'How are you?' question is being thrown around more often now that we are hitting a season when apparently I will miss my mom more than I miss her on a normal day. I do have to say I don't necessarily think that's true. I miss her for different reasons, and those reasons are indeed tied to a specific month of the year, but it's not like on the 26th all the sudden I'm going to miss her less.

I am, however, going through another wave of crying which may or may not have to do with what I wish was happening right now. I wish I was getting daily calls about things 'screaming my name' or her checking on what time I fly in a million times as if my flight schedule isn't hanging right behind the phone, or us planning which cookies we are going to make on which day, or knowing that she is planning out which neighborhoods we are going to drive through to look at lights, or...I could do this all day.

It also may be tied to the fact that it's been 4 months...4 months never seemed so long. I know I'm not the only one who has found these last 4 months so long and difficult. Last Wednesday my dad wrote this and sent it to me:

Some say GOD's been talk’n to me.
What a scary thought.
That He would try and teach me things.
That no one else been taught.

I just think I’m think’n things.
I’ve known for many years.
They are all come’n together now.
It’s just noise between my ears.

I wake up early morning.
With questions in my mind.
Soon find the answers in there too.
Just needed lots more time.

I can’t stop think’n about my wife.
And all the times we had.
She was every bit, all my life.
And the thoughts now make me sad.

I know that GOD is in this thing.
He’s been with me through the tears.
I know the answers come from Him.
It’s not just noise between my ears.

Sometimes I have to struggle.
Just to get through one more day.
When everyone else around me.
Continues on, their merry way.

I know it’s not their problem.
And I know it’s not their pain.
But don’t they see me crying?
Just because I don’t complain.

GOD has me in his loving arms.
He will help me through my fears.
All my questions, answered there.
With noise between my ears.

So for those who have been asking, that is the best way I can describe how I am - I know it's not your problem, and I'm trying not to complain, I know God has me and will help me, but there are still a whole lot of questions in my brain, some days I have to struggle more than others just to get through, and while I appreciate the moments of joy that I find, the moments of sorrow are similarly overwhelming. The problem is, there is really nothing anyone can do, including myself, other than wait. Wait until the pain fades...but does it really? Am I really ever going to stop wishing my mom was planning out our Christmas light route? And how long with it take for me to not notice Thursday as a different day of the week than every other day because it marks another week gone by? At what point does my will to get through become stronger than my want to have her back?

In 1864, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote the words to 'I Heard the Bells', a Christmas song that I've never really paid attention to. That is until I heard Casting Crowns sing it this year. This was written in the midst of the Civil War, after Longfellow's wife died unexpectedly and his oldest son was injured in the war. The poem, which later became a song, speaks of despair, but ends with confident hope and triumphant peace. I have yet to understand how I will ever feel those again, but I will say with Longfellow's bells 'God is not dead, nor does he sleep'. I may not feel it, but in my heart I hear them.

Someday at Christmas

This is a new one for me! My Aunt Barb has requested 'Someday at Christmas' by Stevie Wonder and I am loving it. Enjoy...

'All I Want for Christmas' Montage

My Aunt Jen gets today's song...'All I Want for Christmas is a Really Good Tan'. Which got me thinking of 'All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth' and 'All I Want for Christmas is You'. And thus today, you have the 'All I want for Christmas' montage...which ends with 'I'm Getting Nuttin' for Christmas'...because it doesn't matter what you want for Christmas if you are on the naughty list! :)

Tell Him He Can Take the Freeway Down

My brother, Matthew's request is 'Run, Run, Rudolph', which is pretty appropriate considering we have one week until Christmas - that's right, people - ONE WEEK!



and while we are talking about him, how could we miss his actual song...Rudolph, as sung by Harry Connick, Jr...

Hurry Christmas, Hurry Fast

Prior to Andrea's spectacular find of the Italian Christmas Donkey, she had requested Alvin and the Chipmunks 'The Christmas Song', so I say we continue with the adorableness of animated animals and bring on the Chipmunks for today! While I do not support Alvin's pre-Christmas sneaking into gifts, I do love this song :)

I'm Dreaming...

For Petrone we are going to do a little mid-day switch post. Because I really will be dreaming of a White Christmas tonight...it snowed at home, which makes me hope that come December 25th some little white snowflakes will be falling from the sky. So here is the song for the night between the 16th and 17th :)

Jiggidy Jig

Yesterday I got a call from Andrea that went something like 'I have a song for you! It's about a donkey and they actually sing he haw hew haw in it'. OBVIOUSLY that meant it would be today's song, and thus the little known and yet, hysterically awesome 'Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey'...

Mistletoe Hung Where You Can See

My cousin, Jack, was the ONLY person who checked to make sure that I would in fact get a song on the blog yesterday, and thus he is the winner of today's Christmas song request. As you will be able to tell, Jack has similar Christmas musical tastes to his dad, which was Day 6, and has requested Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree as performed by Gary Hoey (this was unfortunately the best quality sound I could get for this specific version)...



For those who would prefer a more classic take on Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree, here is the Brenda Lee version... :)

I Really Must Say...

...Baby, It's Cold Outside! No really, it is. It also happens to be a song that has been requested by both Lisa and Nicole. Lisa suggested the Royal Crown Revue version, which I am loving, so here you go...hope you are sitting by a fire to listen to it like I am :)

A Little 80s Rock Band for your Christmas

Yesterday 12 people from my church went to see the production 'Every Christmas Story Ever Told (and then some)'. If you have a production group doing it near you, I would HIGHLY recommend it. You will in essence laugh from the beginning to the end. It's done by only 4 actors and they literally go through every Christmas story you remember growing up, so they are going back and forth changing costumes the entire time. It's awesome. One of our favorite sections was when they did the Nutcracker, I'm still laughing thinking about it. So, I decided for today's song we would post my friend, Lisa's request of "anything Trans-Siberian Orchestra", and go with their version of Nutcracker...which just so happens to be an awesome version :)

Deck the Halls

Next up on the request list - my sister-in-law Tabbi's request for 'Deck the Halls'. Her maiden name was Hall so of course people loved to use the fact that their last name matched the song :) I love the version by Ottmar Liebert and I found this video of someone's house that the set up to light up to the song...yeah, kinda intense :)



but in case you are in the mood for a more classic version, here you go, I went with Bing Crosby as I'm watching White Christmas for the first time...I know, scandelous for a Christmas crazy person such as myself :)

Brilliant

I know, again it's a double song day, but no self respecting Christmas-song-a-day poster could find this one and not immediately post it for others to share in. They play these songs entirely on I-pads and I-phones. Love it!



Link

Check off my Christmas list

For my lovely Ashley on her birthday who requested 'the original Santa Baby'...ladies and gentlemen, Eartha Kitt...



Link

African Noel

Today we are going to double up on the song-a-day! I went to Abbi's concert tonight and loved a song they did called 'An African Celebration' arranged by Sally Albrecht and sung in English and Swahili. Via internet searching I found that it can also be called African Noel. It is beautiful!



but, I think I like this version of it a bit better (sung all in Swahili)...

Said the Night Wind to the Little Lamb...

Maia gets today's favorite Christmas song for all her mental support in making Mr. Frozen Turkey yesterday (blog post to follow for your laughing pleasure). Ladies and Gentlemen...Robert Goulet in 'Do You Hear What I Hear'...



Link

What does a Hippo and Christmas have in common?

This song. At Allison's request and my wholehearted agreement I offer for today 'I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas'. If you have not heard this song you are in for a treat - and the video on this one is as hilarious as the song. I am pretty sure my favorite line is 'Mom says a hippo would eat me up, but then, teacher says a hippo is a vegetarian'. AWESOME!



Technologically troubled - link here.

Stille Nacht

Today's song requested for you by Ms. Cynthia - Brandy and my Charleston mom as we like to say :) Now, Cynthia actually updated her request after I found this, but it is so pretty in the original German that I couldn't let it go. Plus - the International Church of God should be spreading some international cheer :) I'll post her amended request later this month.



And for those who have been having issues with the YouTube opening up on the blog, go to this link.

Soon it will be Christmas Day

So, now I'm loving the daily Christmas song even more! Today I got an e-mail from my Aunt Tami saying 'Requests? Silver Bells'. I love it! So, I have a few songs on the burner that I will throw in if not requested at some point, but send them my way! :)

A Unique Song

Today's Christmas song is my Uncle John's favorite. My Aunt Dona says that she has to listen to bad Christmas rock music all month waiting for them to play this song. So last night we found it on YouTube and called him - with no introduction from a number that he didn't know he listened to this very long song with no complaints, other than the occasional Hello? and mentioned to Jack, 'I think they are playing Father Christmas'. It was hysterical. So, this is likely a new one for most of you, and I would preview before allowing children to listen because it's a little harsh on poor Santa.

Five GOLD RINGS...bada bum bum

Can you guess what today's song is based on the blog title? I have decided it is super fun to decide on daily Christmas songs based on different people's favorites. So, today's song is for my dad...John Denver and the Muppets in the 12 Days of Christmas...this is pretty much the only version I can listen to because I keep wanting Miss Piggy to sing the 5 golden rings part :)

Jack Frost Isn't Nipping at My Nose

Brandy and I are sitting with a balcony door open after our 8 mile morning run, but I think it's quite chilly pretty much everywhere else. So, at my Aunt Dona's request, from the three of us in Jacksonville, we offer you...The Christmas Song (sung by Nat King Cole of course).

Let it Snow

I think it's only appropriate that as I head to Florida for the weekend, the Christmas song for the day involves something cold and wet that falls from the sky :) This song always reminded my mom of her mom, and so in memory of my Nanny and my mom....Let it Snow

Can I get a Hallelujah?

There is only one CD that is considered for the first Christmas CD of the season in the Walker household - and that is Ronnie. Christmas with Ronnie Milsap to be specific, but little does he know that our family is on a first name basis with him. 'Do you have Ronnie on?' is a common question when one of us tells the other one we are listening to Christmas music. For the longest time we were all listening to it on a tape because that is all we had, but then one year Brandy and I found CDs on Amazon, and promptly bought three. And so, I feel it's only fair to let you all hear just who has won our Christmas music hearts. I present, Ronnie in his Christmas Medley...

And so it begins...

Welcome to December everyone! According to Buddy the Elf the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear. And so, I'm not totally promising, but I'm making a very large effort to post a song for every day until Christmas.

It wasn't hard to choose today's song. It was one of my mom's favorites and every time she heard it she said it reminded her of going with my Pappy (her dad) to a very specific Christmas party every year. You would think after hearing about it so many time I would know where that Christmas party was, but I don't. But every time I hear it I have this very specific scene in my mind...who knows if it matches reality, but I like it :) And so I present for day #1...Jingle Bell Rock!


Oh, and if you don't know who Buddy the Elf is, you need to go buy the movie Elf IMMEDIATELY!!!