...I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad...
When I am in the need for a few I can simply remember some of my favorite things of Christmas Eve 2011...coffee with devotions, icing chocolate roll cookies and eating half of them, sneaking through the aisles of Walmart, little faces staring at the candles at service, singing carols while finding lights for the first time in charleston...in essence having a beautiful day to just enjoy Christmas.
A few days ago in a devotional I am reading the author asked 'What opportunities have you been given recently to profess the goodness and faithfulness of God?' As I thought about the question I realized I had a huge situation to profess the goodness and faithfulness of God but was so busy I never even mentioned it...which is generally the way God's goodness and faithfulness gets missed by the way. So here it is...I just finished my first semester of a PhD program and although I had only one mortgage payment of savings going into it and no paycheck, my bills have been paid, I am not in credit card debt and I never once begged for food or gas.
Even just typing it, I can tell it's tough to explain just how amazing this really is. As of August 10th I had no job, school started in 15 days, I had a prospect of a job but the process of actually getting it was going to take a while, and financial aid hadn't arrived yet. When it did arrive it would have paid my tuition and given me about $500 to support myself for 4 months. First I got an e-mail from my program director that I had been given a scholarship to help cover my tuition for the first 2 semesters. That allowed financial aid to actually go to living expenses. But the job situation still didn't move faster. I was offered a contracting position to help write a strategic plan which would provide a few hours of work each week. But even adding that to my work at church I wasn't going to be brining in enough to pay the mortgage each month. Then it gets good. I won my very first poster presentation at a medical conference which gave me a cash reward. A friend asked me to give a presentation to one of her classes and had money from the school to pay me. Three random refunds that I had been waiting on came through right when bills were due. I found out that the little bit of money I had put in a Roth IRA 5 years ago could be used for school expenses. Brandy moved in which meant that once she started getting paychecks we would be splitting expenses. And then last week I won a random drawing at school and got a Visa card. I mean honestly, that is random people.
So, perhaps this is not the funniest or most engaging story ever, but it is life, and it's proof positive that God knows what's happening whether it seems like it or not. One of the things that is most amazing is rather than God just providing a big lump of money that made it so I didn't have to worry about it again, He just made money come in when it needed to be there. My bank account balance spent most of the past 4 months in the 10s, sometimes in the 100s, but it never went negative. $100 here, $50 there just in time to pay what needed to be paid. I don't think I would have realized how amazing or been aware God was watching over me if He had just made a lump of money available. And so, rather than ignoring it or saying a cursory thank you and moving on, I decided to give a verbal (well written) testimony of God's goodness and faithfulness. I hope it encourages someone to trust that God's got your back even if you don't see how He can possibly pull it off. Believe me, when I add up the numbers it still doesn't make sense, but it's December, my bills are paid, I have money to buy food and fill up my car with gas and I'm starting my new job on Monday just in time to get a paycheck to pay the mortgage next month.
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good and his steadfast love endures forever. (Psalm 107:1)
In case you didn't notice, it's December. The second Thanksgiving without my mom was in some ways harder than the first. Last year felt sad, this year felt empty. We were all there. We all had fun. We all enjoyed each other. But something was missing. I think Christmas this year may be similar. So, I'm prepping myself by reminding myself of what God has already done in my life since August 19, 2010. If He can do all that he has done in a little over a year than certainly he can get me through the second Christmas without my mom. As Matt Maher sings in Alive Again - I can see the light before I see the sunrise...The sun rise is coming at some point, right now I'm going to celebrate strength for the day and the light that is slowly chasing away the darkness.
