Consider yourself pre-warned

Apparently I will enter a stage of mourning as of May 25, 2010.

Need I say more?

Science and Decisions

You want to know why people don't trust science? Because of things like this article on new changes in screening protocols for breast cancer and cervical cancer. The article starts out talking about how they used science-driven medicine to change these protocols. How might you ask did science come to this conclusion? It says that studies have shown the screenings only save 1 in 1,904 lives. That is a science question - what is the likelihood that you will get a certain result? It also says throughout the article there is a need to weigh the costs of doing the screening with the benefits of having the screening done. Which again is a science question - what are the costs and benefit of an action?

The problem is that science doesn't (and can't) say whether you should or should not do a screening. What it says is how likely that screening will be successful in saving a life, how much money you will spend and what your likely benefits will be. Science can't answer your ultimate question, because you aren't asking a science question. You can have decisions that consider the science, but in the end the decision is made by a person, not by science. The whole point to science is that it's supposed to be unbiased. Instead many times what we do is we add in our own bias and then we say science led us to that conclusion. And thus, we have a population that doesn't understand science, and thus doesn't trust science.

The most telling sentence of the article is how one of the researchers is described: someone "who has studied whether prevention necessarily saves money (and found it does not always do so)." The decision was made on whether the screenings save money, not on whether the screenings save lives. Whether saving money is worth saving a life is a VERY personal decision. Humans, unfortunately are very prone to making decisions based on money. Believe me, I'm in the business of getting people to consider science in their decisions. One of the things I need to continually remind myself is that the science can't tell you what to do, it can only inform what you do.

Call it like it is people. You did the research, this is what the research shows, and then, this was your decision. I'm not taking up a position as to whether the decision is correct, what I'm saying is don't pawn the implications of your decision off on science. If you mom (or sister, or wife, or daughter) is the one in 1,904 lives whose screening it would have saved, don't you think it would have been worth it? You can't say that science says you shouldn't do the screening because only 1 in 1,904 lives is saved. Science could have just as easily said you should do the screening because 1 in 1,904 lives is saved. A decision is how YOU look at the information science provided.

Technology Overload

I'm feeling a bit of a technology overload - information overload really, but it's coming at me via technology, so I'm really just addressing the root of the information overload problem. I was feeling it before I left for California, so I took a rest from technology and literally did not check e-mail, voicemail, facebook, blogs or anything else that was technology related except for once to get a website off an e-mail that I needed for a session at the conference. I was hoping that would cure me, however, I'm still feeling overwhelmed. I have determined that the reason is while I did take a break from technology, I didn't take a break from information and so my brain is still feeling overworked - the 220 e-mails I saw in my inbox this morning certainly didn't help. Oh well, perhaps over Christmas I'll take a technology AND information break...we'll see how that goes. I do have to say, sitting in a huge bathtub at a hotel with a glass of Perrier and a good book beats Facebook any day of the week! Oh, and I really will be getting pictures from the trip up here at some point...that point, however is not now.

Raspberries in my Chocolate

Many people do not like airplane travel - personally I don't have an issue with it. In my life it forces me to slow down and do the stuff that I don't get around to otherwise because there are 18 other things that are calling for my attention. So, I can just sit and read a book, or look through those recipes in Eating Well I've been wanting to look at, or in the case of today, I can finally get around to posting Brandy and my new addition to blog-land! Yes, it is true the Walker sisters have made a blog. Whenever we get together we'll add posts, so don't be surprised if there are large lulls in activity, because in the world of blogging we are one person...JoLynn (our middle names for those who don't know), and thus we can only write when together! The blog is going to be a review of sorts, with our own twist on the stars in the rating system...and so without further ado I present I Thank God for the Raspberries in my Chocolate. Remember to start at the bottom...

Mile High Post

Check it out! I am flying over the US right now AND posting a blog! Delta is running some kind of promotional where you can use their in flight wireless for free...so why not? I knew that if I could just make it to the airport this morning that the craziness of the past few weeks would subside. And thus my need for a pause button no longer! And now for my mini-vacation pre-conference. I've got a week long conference in San Diego!

When I originally found out that this year's reserve annual meeting was in San Diego I had all kinds of plans for a long pre or post conference vacation similar to last year's trip through Yosemite and Big Sur. However, that was cut short when I wasn't chosen to travel because of travel cuts...a decision that changed about 2 weeks ago...hence the last minute craziness of getting ready, which was added on top of an already crazy fall calendar...something about education programs and the fall, it's always nuts at this time of year and my ongoing process of getting used to having 2 jobs and the drama of life going on around me at this particular moment in time...life is a little intense right now. So, when I found out that I was in fact going to San Diego, I needed to do a little prioritizing.

The funny thing about not having as much time as you would like is that you end up actually figuring out what you want to do. So, today when I land I'm headed to the San Diego Zoo...which I happen to have wanted to go to since I was about 10 years old - pretty much about the age I started realizing what I wanted to do with my life, an internationally renowned zoo fit right into my list of places I wanted to visit! It didn't take me long to determine that portion of my list of things I like to do rose to the top. And then tomorrow Nicole and I will head to Joshua Tree National Park - something that I've wanted to do for a shorter time period, but has been high on the places to visit at some point nonetheless. Other than a trip through Death Valley back in high school, I've not visited the desert, so to the desert I will go!

After the past few weeks I think that 2 days of vacation is just what the self-doctor ordered :)

Pause Please

Is there a pause button on life? I really need one...that or it looks like I'm possibly pulling an all-nighter leading into my flight tomorrow morning at 6am. And even then I don't know if I'll get everything done!

Not What it Used to Be

My brain is definitely not what it used to be. I've always been a list writing (we've had a post about it before in fact), and much of the reason is because it helps me organize the things I need to get done. I've never really been a list writer because it helps me remember the things I need to get done...until this year. I've noticed more and more that my lists are reminders in addition to organizers. The problem is apparently my brain is getting worse and worse at remembering things. For instance just now I walked down the steps to take Kaylinn out before bed. I thought of something I needed to write on my list of things to do tomorrow, and on the way back up the steps I had forgotten it. Seriously. That is pathetic. I'm going to bed, maybe sleep will help me remember it.

A New Day

Today, I got a Christmas present in November...a day in the office when I thought I was going to be driving around taking surveys of nurseries for a project we are working on. It's amazing how an empty day in my planner can make me feel - you'd think someone just gave me $1000. Seriously, I need to get a life! :)

Horrid

Horrid: innately offensive or repulsive, inspiring horror, disgust or loathing. Yep that would describe today - quite well, actually. Now, it is highly possible that if you are not a meeting planner, or have not organized a rather large event you may not recognize just how horrid today was, so think about something you put lots of time into (LOTS of time), and then think about it all falling to pieces around your feet...and there is nothing you can do about it but pick up the pieces and try to keep it going. That was my day in short...like I said - horrid.

Really the set up for today started about 2 weeks ago. I have been working on the meeting we held today for, oh, about 8 months. That's not all that long in meeting planning land because it's not like you work on it every hour of every day, but it's decently long for a half day event. The reason it took so long was because there was a group of people planning it. Meeting planning is really done best with 3 or 4 people who know what they are doing - you get a mix of ideas but you can cull them down to something realistic, one person is the ring leader and with everyone knowing what they are doing you can all see what your role is and be comfortable with it. Unfortunately in the world of federal and state funding you are forced to do things like 'collaborative event hosting'. What this means is everyone gets a say (even people who don't understand what they are saying won't work), and you end up doing it all in the end, with too little time because everyone is supposed to help but no one does (but they don't tell you they aren't going to help until after what they were supposed to do needed to be done). It's actually the same reason I hated group projects when I was in school.

At about 2 weeks out you need to start assuring that everything in place is still in place. Who is coming is obviously a very important aspect of a meeting, but generally this is just a courtesy contact to let people know when you are meeting and where, not an actual confirming they are going to be there, because you assume that if they changed their mind about being there they would have let you know, oh I don't know sometime in the intervening 8 MONTHS OF PLANNING! First people who were supposed to be helping support the actual running of the meeting started saying they couldn't attend, which threw a whole new people plan into existence (and a few desperate e-mails). Then some of our topic experts couldn't attend - unfortunately that really can't be replaced...especially when you find out less than 24 hours in advance. We were down to bare bones staffing of the thing but I had it worked out so that we could swing it. Little did I know that at 10:24 last night I would get a voicemail on my work phone from one of the people that was supposed to be there today saying that he forgot about the meeting and couldn't come. Ok - it will be fine, you have less people, but you have as many as you absolutely need, so regroup and keep moving.

I also find out on my voicemail that when we were told we had 3 rooms plus the auditorium, that actually meant we had 2 rooms plus the auditorium. But it's ok - we'll figure out a way to have 2 of the groups discuss in the auditorium, not ideal but doable. Just finish stuff up and get on the road.

I go outside to pull the van around that we are carpooling in and load it up...and it won't start. Right. So, I go back inside find the only 2 cars that are not being used, sign them out, pull them around and load them up. Oh, and of course it's hot and muggy today. So after taking sweat breaks and helping the last of the prep work, we get everything loaded up and ready to go.

Next up: get to the meeting. Some of the people we were carpooling with were late (of course), so not only did we get a late start, but once we got on our way I noticed the car I was driving was at 1/4 tank because I guess the last person to use it couldn't figure out the next person might need gas in the tank, so we had to stop for gas. Because of the late start not only did we not stop to get something to eat but we showed up at the same time speakers did (generally I try to get there a bit before them). But, all is well, we can get through this. In all reality today is a rough meeting day, but nothing I can't handle - I've had rough meeting starts before. Just keep going, it will all work out.

We unload the cars, start setting up the coffee and registration and go to put the presentations on the computer hooked into the screen...oh, the computer they said they would have available for us to use - do they have it? No. So, I pull out my computer, which was supposed to be used for something else, but that's ok, we can just unplug, move and replug when that needs to happen. Keep moving, keep praying, keep focused.

I've got people setting up coffee, people setting up flipcharts, people finding our rooms for later in the meeting and so I head to set up my computer and get someone working on downloading the presentations, and just before I run out the door back to the registration table someone asks for a laser pointer (which the location said they would provide...and of course didn't have), so we found one, and then for a remote (which the location said they would provide...and of course didn't have), so we found one. Then the batteries were dead, but we fixed that too. Ok, out to the registration table, where I found people starting to arrive. I started checking them in about 30 seconds after I find out that the rooms we reserved (2 months ago, and checked back in on 1 month ago, and checked back in on 2 weeks ago, and called about just for good measure the day before) were being used for classes so they needed to find us new rooms. Ok, it will be ok, just keep focused.

Coffee was set up, so I reassigned coffee person to registration and headed out to check on the computer set up, then find out what was happening with the rooms. They had found us new rooms but they wouldn't be available until at the exact moment we needed them. Well, it is what it is, roll with it. So we come up with a plan to deal with how to get rooms set up and people in them at the same time, then I go back and check on registration, go back and check on speakers, find out one of my speakers is caught in a huge traffic accident, grab a handful of goldfish, and find out that they were wrong we can't use those rooms, we need to use different rooms. So at this point the people who are supposed to lead discussion in these rooms have no idea where to lead their groups after our large group presentations, but it's ok - I tell them I'll figure it out and let them know. Keep moving, don't think about the disaster the day is becoming.

And, start the meeting, because it's time. The introductory speaker (which I didn't want to have, but was overruled during our 'collaborative decisions') talks for twice as long as they are supposed to and says half as much as they need to. But it's ok, once the talks start it always calms down...always, I tell myself. Talks start, last few people filter in, grab another handful of goldfish, change the presentation for next speaker, and hope the drama has ended. No sooner than I think we truly are on the road to recovery do I find out one of the rooms we have is not available after all, so we are going to need to use another one. So we move all the stuff to the other one. 10 minutes later (as in we just finished setting it up) we find out they were wrong, we can't use that one, they need to see if there is another one free. I stay calm again. Smile at the man I want to smash against the wall and walk back to the auditorium to check on progress, make sure all is running smooth and find out how far behind we are (which at this point is good since we are playing discussion room roulette). On the way, I convince myself I don't need to cry, it's really not appropriate, and will not fix anything. I can deal with this. I come back find out we have a new room which is being set up. Go back and finish up the large group discussion, help with the directions for what will be next, send people to their break, and then head out to get the rest of the set up done, make sure everyone has what they need and then get in to actually run one of the discussion. At this time I find out one of the rooms is again not available, so we have to move and they don't have another room for us to use.

At this point, I fight back tears, and scream 'I NEED A ROOM!' The man clearly sees I'm about to break and runs off saying how it's not his job (oh really, what IS your job? because he is the one that keeps telling us where we can go and then turning around and telling us we can't go there), we pull all the stuff back out of that room, people go off to find a new room, I go off to move computers since we needed to use them in more than one place and corral people to their rooms (hoping we all of them), find out where the new room is, get people to where they need to go, and start my discussion group. This by the way, is something that on a normal day is a decent amount of stress for me. I'm semi-trained in how to do this, which makes me feel like I need to be focused to do it - something I'm clearly not at the moment. I also feel extra pressure because the results of these discussion groups are my intern's thesis...i.e. I'm rather invested in having good results, and she deserves good results. And generally I don't run discussion groups at my own meetings, unless I have someone doing the random running around for me (which I don't have since I am short on people). But, because of the shortage of people who said they would run discussion groups but then decided last minute they wouldn't, I suck it up and get it started. People don't talk all that much, which is not great, but not horrible, what they do say is interesting. We finish up, and it as this point that I realize I forgot to mention to people to hand in their evaluations. Knowing that people always skip out early this is an issue, and again, something I realize I'll just need to deal with after the fact in some way. Quite frankly, I'm starting to not even care.

We finish up the meeting - which is painful because I HATE reporting out after discussion groups, but again that was a 'collaborative group decision' to have that in our agenda, I close us out, we pack up, and we head out. And just for fun we hit a major traffic jam on the way.

So. Do you see why today is innately offensive and repulsive, and inspires horror, disgust and loathing? I'm headed to bed - hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Yesterday

Yesterday I was supposed to run 26.2 miles...instead I laid on a beach. The plan to run a marathon after the trip to Panama and my total drop in practicing changed to a plan to walk a marathon. The plan to walk a marathon after losing my partner in walking changed to a plan to not do the marathon after all. And the plan to not do the marathon changed to a plan to go to Florida and hang out on the beach with my mom and sister. Honestly, I think it was a good trade :)

We headed down on Friday and just got back today...it was rather rough to not 'accidentally' miss our flight and head out on the plane to San Juan, Puerto Rico, which just happened to be leaving from the gate next to us :) I guess at some point I need to come back to reality eh? I did find out the day before I left for Florida that I'm now in fact headed to San Diego for work even though I had written off that trip, oh...5 months ago. Suddenly early November is looking really busy and I need to find myself a ticket to California!