Monday, October 11, 2010

Thoughts throughout the day

1) If I had a salad bar in my house that was stocked by someone else, I would eat far more vegetables. (the salad bar at the place we are staying for our conference is awesome)

2) I think from here on out all my chocolate should have sea salt on it - I'm pretty sure I'm obsessed with the sea salt/chocolate combination.

3) Me and T-mobile are going to fight. Most of the people here are having issues getting cell coverage, but at least they get is SOMEWHERE! I'm having withdraw symptoms of talking to my Dad, Nikole and Brandy - there are not many days in the past few months we haven't talked.

4) My brain hurts...and it's only day 2 - this does not bode well for mental functioning by Thursday.

5) I'm part of government and they make me sick, no wonder everyone else hates them. Honestly, if I hear one more time how a new chunk of money has been given for such and such and the answer is what new office can be made I'm going to puke!

6) Certain moments are not going to be any easier in 5 more months. My friend Rachel lost her dad 7 months ago and her post from Sunday made me cry. Every once and a while I notice that it's getting better, but usually I notice that because I just got the wind knocked out of me. Take for instance on Saturday when Brandy, John and I were at the Molasses Festival watching these kids clog (I know, how great is that). When they were done the little girl looked over at her mom to see if she was watching, and I said to Brandy in passing, did you see her just look at her mom. And at that moment I wanted to start crying - just like that, no warning, a stab in the heart just from a random moment I witnessed. Or on Sunday when I drove into the National Conservation Training Center in WV. The last time we had our meeting here I flew home and my mom drove me down. I thought about it driving from the airport, but when I hit a certain portion of the road I saw the parking lot where she parked the car and remember walking with her down the path talking and I started crying. No warning, no build up - from a thought to crying in a second. People tend to insinuate that to help me feel better I just shouldn't listen to the music or look at the things that remind me of mom...but everything reminds me of her. What I've been doing for the past 8 weeks is learning how to deal with that. Now I have to learn how to deal with the little things that catch me unaware. Then I'm going to have to learn how to deal with the major things...the moments in life I know mom would have loved. But for tonight, my prayer is for Rachel, because it really doesn't matter how long it's been, it still stinks.

1 comment:

  1. Love you. Saturday night was a punch in the stomach. But other days are better. I'm crossing my fingers the punches spread out over the years, so I don't have to deal with too many over short periods of time. No one would have the strength for that. Hugs.

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