About three years ago I bought a ring that happens to fit on my left hand ring finger, and so that is where I wear it. It also happens to look like a wedding band because it's just a plain silver band with one word inscribed on it. That word is HOPE. I did not buy it because I hope to be married again. I bought it because God was speaking very clearly to me about needing to keep hope alive and I wanted something to remind me of what He was saying. Since then quite a bit has happened that would damper one's hope, so I hold tightly to the fact that before any of it ever began He started prepping me.
About one year ago, actually now that I look at the calendar, one year ago yesterday we held my mom's funeral. I am actually really glad that we waited a month to hold her funeral. I have a lot of memories that I don't think I would have if it had been three days later - I was still in shock three days later...which I guess is the point of holding the funeral then. But, our brains don't work that way, we like to process things, and so we delayed it until September 18th. And because we did, Brandy and I could write an amazing eulogy for our amazing mother, and after much prayer deliver it with only a few quivers in our voices. The next day we sat in my parent's livingroom with the funeral done, the posters of pictures filling the room, the vases of flowers filling the kitchen, and our hearts and minds totally overwhelmed with grief. It was also the one year mark of her death, and I remember us all laying on the various chairs, not talking, very literally not wanting to do anything ever again.
About 20 minutes ago I was sitting here calmly starting my day while listening to music and reading Romans and the one song that can send me into a blubbering, slobbering, crying mess started playing on the iPod...I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin. Well, to be honest, there are a few that can do that, but most of them I can make it through the first stanza before I start crying. I know the song is I Will Rise literally by the third cord, and am generally crying by the forth. When we were in the hospital with my mom, this song struck a cord with my Dad, my Aunt Dona, Brandy and I all at separate times in different places and was one of the two songs my Dad wanted sung at the funeral. This all being unknown to her, my Aunt Barb e-mailed me and asked if she could sing a song at the funeral and suggested that one. And so, you can start to see how just the first few cords can send my brain elsewhere. I had myself a good cry, dried my eyes and decided to write down the hope that I have because clearly hope is a rather important word in this season in my life. So here it is...
And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (Romans 5:2-5)
How amazing is God that three years ago, He knew that today and everything that happened between then and now would happen and I would need that verse to remind me that these light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18). I will now listen to How Great Is Our God and rejoice that my sufferings will produce perseverance, and my perseverance will produce character, and my character will produce hope. And my hope will not disappoint because God has given me His love and His Spirit to rise on eagles wings.
About one year ago, actually now that I look at the calendar, one year ago yesterday we held my mom's funeral. I am actually really glad that we waited a month to hold her funeral. I have a lot of memories that I don't think I would have if it had been three days later - I was still in shock three days later...which I guess is the point of holding the funeral then. But, our brains don't work that way, we like to process things, and so we delayed it until September 18th. And because we did, Brandy and I could write an amazing eulogy for our amazing mother, and after much prayer deliver it with only a few quivers in our voices. The next day we sat in my parent's livingroom with the funeral done, the posters of pictures filling the room, the vases of flowers filling the kitchen, and our hearts and minds totally overwhelmed with grief. It was also the one year mark of her death, and I remember us all laying on the various chairs, not talking, very literally not wanting to do anything ever again.
About 20 minutes ago I was sitting here calmly starting my day while listening to music and reading Romans and the one song that can send me into a blubbering, slobbering, crying mess started playing on the iPod...I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin. Well, to be honest, there are a few that can do that, but most of them I can make it through the first stanza before I start crying. I know the song is I Will Rise literally by the third cord, and am generally crying by the forth. When we were in the hospital with my mom, this song struck a cord with my Dad, my Aunt Dona, Brandy and I all at separate times in different places and was one of the two songs my Dad wanted sung at the funeral. This all being unknown to her, my Aunt Barb e-mailed me and asked if she could sing a song at the funeral and suggested that one. And so, you can start to see how just the first few cords can send my brain elsewhere. I had myself a good cry, dried my eyes and decided to write down the hope that I have because clearly hope is a rather important word in this season in my life. So here it is...
And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (Romans 5:2-5)
How amazing is God that three years ago, He knew that today and everything that happened between then and now would happen and I would need that verse to remind me that these light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18). I will now listen to How Great Is Our God and rejoice that my sufferings will produce perseverance, and my perseverance will produce character, and my character will produce hope. And my hope will not disappoint because God has given me His love and His Spirit to rise on eagles wings.
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