Hope Does Not Disappoint

About three years ago I bought a ring that happens to fit on my left hand ring finger, and so that is where I wear it.  It also happens to look like a wedding band because it's just a plain silver band with one word inscribed on it.  That word is HOPE.  I did not buy it because I hope to be married again.  I bought it because God was speaking very clearly to me about needing to keep hope alive and I wanted something to remind me of what He was saying.  Since then quite a bit has happened that would damper one's hope, so I hold tightly to the fact that before any of it ever began He started prepping me.

About one year ago, actually now that I look at the calendar, one year ago yesterday we held my mom's funeral.  I am actually really glad that we waited a month to hold her funeral.  I have a lot of memories that I don't think I would have if it had been three days later - I was still in shock three days later...which I guess is the point of holding the funeral then.  But, our brains don't work that way, we like to process things, and so we delayed it until September 18th.  And because we did, Brandy and I could write an amazing eulogy for our amazing mother, and after much prayer deliver it with only a few quivers in our voices.  The next day we sat in my parent's livingroom with the funeral done, the posters of pictures filling the room, the vases of flowers filling the kitchen, and our hearts and minds totally overwhelmed with grief.  It was also the one year mark of her death, and I remember us all laying on the various chairs, not talking, very literally not wanting to do anything ever again.

About 20 minutes ago I was sitting here calmly starting my day while listening to music and reading Romans and the one song that can send me into a blubbering, slobbering, crying mess started playing on the iPod...I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin.  Well, to be honest, there are a few that can do that, but most of them I can make it through the first stanza before I start crying.  I know the song is I Will Rise literally by the third cord, and am generally crying by the forth.  When we were in the hospital with my mom, this song struck a cord with my Dad, my Aunt Dona, Brandy and I all at separate times in different places and was one of the two songs my Dad wanted sung at the funeral.  This all being unknown to her, my Aunt Barb e-mailed me and asked if she could sing a song at the funeral and suggested that one.  And so, you can start to see how just the first few cords can send my brain elsewhere.  I had myself a good cry, dried my eyes and decided to write down the hope that I have because clearly hope is a rather important word in this season in my life.  So here it is...

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (Romans 5:2-5)

How amazing is God that three years ago, He knew that today and everything that happened between then and now would happen and I would need that verse to remind me that these light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18).   I will now listen to How Great Is Our God and rejoice that my sufferings will produce perseverance, and my perseverance will produce character, and my character will produce hope.  And my hope will not disappoint because God has given me His love and His Spirit to rise on eagles wings.

Beautiful Quote

All life is interrelated, somehow we're caught in an inescapable network of mutuality tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. For some strange reason, I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality.  - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.


I heard this quote last week.  Beyond the fact that I find Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. to be insanely inspirational in his own right, this seems to capture the reasoning behind throwing your life into helping others.  However lost and mis-aligned this country may have become since it first embarked on its course, the idea that there are inalienable rights is one that I have always felt needs to be remembered.  The thing is, those living outside our country have the same inalienable rights, and so we really are never far removed from the rest of the world.  It is, when you get right down to it, the reason that I feel so strongly about international missions and would love to do international adoption.  And it is the reason that global health and health disparities are two of the top three topics that led me to and will focus me as I go through this degree.  So, in case you were wondering why I changed course mid-career, there it is.  I am caught in the "interrelated structure of reality" and I plan to do something about it.

The Tale of the Washer and the Cat

I love the book A Tale of Two Cities.  It's been nearly 20 years since I've read it, but I can still remember doing the little character map thing that our teacher made to help us determine how each of the characters and sub-stories in the book intersect.  I literally remember nothing of the story except for the fact that I loved it.  The reason I loved it was very simple - I adore attempting to figure out how things connect and realize that certain things only happened because other things happened, which only happened because another thing happened...and so forth.  It's why I was obsessed with LOST, attempting to figure out how everyone was linked and where the stories overlapped was half the purpose of the show (well for me anyway, some may disagree).

But, why do I start this post with that random fact about myself?  Because today we had a bit of a Tale of Two Cities moment at the condo.  We shall instead call it the Tale of the Washer and the Cat, and we shall begin with right now.  I am presently washing almost every towel I own because they were all used to sop up dirty bleach water that came out of my washer as Scott attempted to get to the pump.  These towels were very handy for the grabbing because just a week ago Nikole overflowed my toilet to the point that I had to use every towel I own to sop up the amount of water on my bathroom floor, quickly washing them and drying them, after which I threw in my sheets to wash before Nik and I headed out to grab a few things as Costco.  When we returned the dryer had finished, the dishwasher had finished, but for some reason the washer was still running.  This was odd since we'd been gone for about 2 hours.  So I walked into the laundry room and noticed that the washer was on the cottons cycle...problem being I had run the permanent press cycle, which was 2 cycles before the cottons cycle...  So, I opened the lid to see what was happening and the washer stopped agitating...never to agitate again (unfortunately).  It only made this odd clicking sound from there on out.

Being that I have absolutely no idea what to do with a broken washer that is full of water and my sheets I obviously texted Scott because well he knows how to fix random stuff, so why not a washer?  And, Scott has the same theory on fixing things as my dad does...if it's broken you may as well take it apart to see if you can fix it because the worst thing that can happen is you can't get it back together to work again when it never was in the first place.  So, Scott came over the next day - granted, he didn't know how to fix a washer but he was a good sport about attempting - and determined that the timer was bad.  Two days after I went to the parts store only to find out that they wanted $125 for the timer - OUTRAGEOUS - so I promptly found one on Ebay and we waited for it to arrive.

About 2 days later I realize that the house is smelling weird, noticed that the smell is coming from the washer which has been sitting full of dirty water and sheets for about 5 days, so I find myself some bleach (thankfully my sheets are white) and pour it in there to deal with the bacteria and smell.  Happy days, it works.  2 days later the timer comes in the mail and the day after Scott comes to install it...only to find out that now it will agitate but still won't spin or drain.  Well, a half fixed washer is not really all that helpful as it turns out, so Scott heads home to do some research and I head to the vet with the cat which as it turns out has her second urinary tract infection of the month and needs more antibiotics.  The reason I know this is because she is peeing everywhere, which is very unfortunate when you can't wash anything she pees on because your washer is broken.

The cat gets her meds, Scott finds out how to tear the washer apart further, and so today begins.  In case you are wondering, this is what a washer looks like on the inside...

When we get inside the washer we find it full of green stuffing, which just so happens to be the stuffing from Kaylinn's dog bed, which I had to wash 3 weeks ago when I realized Mishu had a urinary tract infection the first time.  I threw the bed into the wash, but it broke all apart and I had to throw it out anyway.  Apparently there was mass quantities of stuffing that got sucked into the washer body (how it got there I have no idea!) in all this.  So, we pulled out as much as we could, then we vacuumed out the rest and then were ready to check the pump, which was what Scott determined was definitely an issue since it wasn't draining the water and he had checked all the wires to determine it wasn't an electrical problem. (by the way, I apparently take after my mom and as my dad used to tell her 'use the term we very loosely' - I really did none of this, Scott did all of it, and I am flippantly referring to the effort as we...now that that is cleared up I will continue doing so)

Here is the problem with getting to the pump - it pumps the water out of the washer....which means, if there is water in the washer you need to get it out to take the pump off.  And so, we siphoned as much as we could, then Scott loosened up something in there to try to get it to drain into the tube to go into the big plastic bin we were using to capture water, and to make a long story short after a whole lot of water shooting all over the place and very rapidly filling the laundry room floor, we had many bleach water soaked towels, a bin full of bleachy water, and an empty washer.

Scott then figured out how to get the pump off, took it apart and found this...

That is right - stuffing from the bed. Apparently it had clogged up the pump.  At this point I went to Sonic to get a cherry coke because somehow that makes things seem better, while Scott opened up the pump, dried it out, put it all back together, hooked it back up to the washer, hooked everything else in the washer up, turned it on and VOILA - it worked!  (I did get him a Dr. Pepper and a corn dog, I'm not that much of a jerk...don't lie I know you were picturing me drinking my cherry coke while Scott fixed the washer)

So, why do I call this the Tale of the Washer and the Cat?  Because do you know why all of this happened?  Mishu.  Who you will notice is on the porch because I can't deal with her peeing all over my house and she needs some more doses of antibiotics in her until she will stop.

All of this happened because Mishu got a UTI.  She peed on the bed, the bed needed to be washed, I washed the bed, the stuffing came out and got stuck all in random places in the washer, after multiple cycles the random places started congregating into the pump, which blocked up, shorting out the timer, the timer freaked out and kept cycling because it couldn't drain because the pump was out, until I opened up the lid at which point it totally stopped working and I had a washer full of water and sheets.  And so, this month having a pet is not priceless, it has a very large price tag on it involving new cat food for urinary health, two trips to the vet for meds, a timer for the washer, and a WHOLE lot of hours for Scott attempting to figure out the problem.  Let's just say Mishu is still on the porch because I think that's the safest place for her as I do my bills.

As a footnote, Scott also fixed my vacuum while he was here which was not actually picking up any hair, somewhat of a problem when the point of a vacuum in a house with a cat and a dog is to pick up hair.  And you wonder why I said that Scott gets the 'Friend of the Month' award?  Heck, after today he gets the 'Friend of the Year' award.  And he made me promise to write the disclaimer that no, he is not interested in more random appliance fixing jobs :)

Hysterical

To entertain ourselves on days we are feeling overwhelmed by life and wishing we were back in the glorious wilds of Maine, Allison, Angela, Jen and I have been entertaining ourselves by sending random 'picture of the day' from our stash off Maine pics. While I realize I have yet to post any of them I had to post the one Alli sent us yesterday which has me wanting to roll around laughing.

Allison and I were sitting in our seats sadly leaving Maine when we hear Jen and Angela laughing hysterically behind us. We turn around to see what is so funny and Angela says 'look at us, we look ridiculous!' as we see this...



It's true, they so look ridiculous :)

Life is Good...hopefully

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what procrastination looks like.  I have so many things to do my to do list is actually laughing at me - no really, if it had a voice it would be laughing at me.  And yet while Brittany, Jen and I were putting together our tables for a poster presentation next week we started talking about Panama and made Jen and I think of Mr. Life is Good Nalgene...which is a pretty awesome story that we feel as though all the loyal blog readers should hear.

So this...is me and Mr. Life is Good Nalgene...

You may be able to see the little Life is Good man looking happy about life, much as I am looking happy about life last year in Panama.  Yes, I said last year.  That was 2010 (in case you were wondering at this moment there are sharp shooters behind us laying on the beach to ensure the rebels didn't just set up a distraction boat that the majority of our soldiers just went off to take care of...just saying, you don't forget where you are sometimes...perhaps this explains my face a little bit more).

But back to the Nalgene.  So, as you can imagine, hydration is rather important on the islands.  And as you can also imagine, drinking the water there is not an option.  So we get big bottles of water and take water bottles to fill up and drink throughout the day.  Drinking water is not a joke when you are sweating every moment of the day and night.  Under the tarp on this truck is 350...yes 350 gallons of water that we took with us this year.

In 2010 I took Mr. Life is Good Nalgene.  It just so happens that he is a rather well travelled Nalgene bottle.  My dad got him for me for our second trip to Mt. Rainier, so he happens to be traveling in my backpack in this picture.  Yes, that is me, and yes, it's that steep.  

But I digress.  In 2011 I decided to switch it up and chose to take my red no BPA Nalgene who has kinda missed all the action because he is pretty new.  Jen didn't have a Nalgene and asked to borrow one, so I gave her the veteran Mr. Life is Good.  As you can see he was very excited, helping with medicine...

...checking out the best Kuna shower ever (I'm not joking people it was spectacular, those faces don't lie!)...

...at meals, at prayer, at service, at clinic, in the rooms, in the silah hut...if Jen was there, Mr. Life is Good Nalgene was with her.  You actually feel like you are missing something once you get back to civilization and don't have a water bottle attached to you at all times.

Enter the ride from hell.  I am not kidding you, it is difficult to explain how bad it was to people that were not there to experience the horror.  The short version is that it involved a driver that didn't know how to drive a 4 wheel drive car and yet had been hired to do just that, attempting to get us up a mountain and instead us drifting back down the steep, winding mountain road into oncoming traffic coming up the steep winding mountain road, our translator screaming to him what gear to get into, him nearly running us off the edge of the cliff before coming to a stop, someone THANKFULLY taking over and getting us up the mountain, and then said horrible driver deciding it was appropriate to go down the mountain at about 80 miles an hour in a crazy rain storm that didn't stop until we got to our hotel 3 and a half hours later.  Tragic is an understatement.  At one point I actually prayed 'God, if I am supposed to die on this mountain, I'm ok with it, just please don't make it hurt.'  Like I said, tragic.

All of that to say, we obviously had our water bottles with us, and our water bottles obviously were the least of our concerns when we were trying to escape the car ride from hades thanking God we had been spared.  And so...about 2 hours later Jen realized much to our sadness that Mr. Life is Good Nalgene was inadvertently left in the back of the car.  We can see him rolling back and forth in the back of the truck, with horrible driver man oblivious to the whole thing.  In that case life is NOT good for Mr. Life is Good Nalgene.

We can also see him making some Kuna person very happy when they find him and perhaps he is living on an island somewhere in the Kuna Islands.

Or perhaps he has been picked up and lives in some unknown place in the world.  Oh Mr. Life is Good man...thank you for your many days of hydration service...may you find many more.

Controlled Panic

So...we are 2 weeks in...my short version of how I am feeling about it is - controlled panic. It's intense that is for sure, but very awesome when you sit in a class as they are explaining what you are going to be trained to do with your degree and you think 'this is EXACTLY what I want to do and I never knew it existed!'. I am still working on figuring out how to regain my balance and find some kind of equilibrium in life. My advisor told me yesterday it usually takes a year and a half to get some traction...yikes...that is a lot of time to control panic :) The helpful aspect about that is the stress I'm feeling because I think I should have gotten control of myself already can go away :)

So, this morning I was listening to the Switchfoot CD and heard this song and something about it was exactly what I'm feeling. The idea of going back to school for a PhD in a field I've never taken so much as an undergrad class in, no longer being at the job that is my comfort zone with my comfort zone people, my schedule being all whacked out and every day being different, class times and schedules and assignments changing randomly and suddenly, and the idea of what is ahead...and yet, God has told me that He will be with me, that He will never leave or forsake me, that He will see me through and that the battle is not mine. I can stand and see the deliverance of the Lord, I can say that He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world, and that though trials may come, He has overcome the world! Panic is my hurricane...but it's not taking me out!

I've been watching the skies

They've been turning blood red

Not a doubt in my mind anymore

There's a storm up ahead

I'm a fighter fighting for control

I'm a fighter fighting for my soul

Everything inside of me surrenders

You can't silence my love

Hello hurricane, you're not enough

Switchfoot - Hello Hurricane

A few things...

...that I love. That Southwest has a straight through flight to Baltimore. That there is an app to let me blog from the airport. That there is an app to let me make lists of things to do...and organize them! That I parked in residential parking for four hours after things didn't go as planned and I didn't get a ticket. That SAS after much battle is loaded on my computer. That I figured out libname command in said SAS program...believe me this is no easy feat. That I have a mentor and classmates that are enormously supportive. That I get to see my dad, sister, grandparents, and aunt in a few hours. That I get to have a fried chicken party with my wonderful friends when I get back.

While there were a few moments of utter frustration this week, the longer I type the more things I find to love :)