Some days the millions of pictures of babies is more than I can do. Or the 18 people I hear about every week who are pregnant. It's an interesting world when you want to be pregnant and you aren't. Have you ever gone shopping for a car and find one that you like, then while you are deciding whether you want to buy it you see a million cars of that make and model? You may have never really noticed that car before, or you never thought that car was that popular. That is much how it feels when you are in your early 30s and want to have a baby, it seems like EVERYONE either has kids or is having them...or both. It's like you went back to buy that car and the car salesman said 'no, we aren't selling those anymore', and you say 'but it's right over there, I can see one', and he says 'oh, we're selling it to other people, just not you'.
I tried to find the clip from Billy Madison when Chris Farley walks back on the bus and says 'everybody on the bus? great! grand! wonderful!' It cracks me up and somehow seems the appropriate phrase for the moment. I don't want people to think I'm being mean or bitter or not happy when other people are pregnant or have kids, I'm just making a reflection on how it feels to not be that person.
And this is why I need to limit my Facebook time. I also need to go to bed because there is a lot of scrapbooking to be had tomorrow...speaking of which, I was downloading pictures deciding what to print and this one is so cute from Thanksgiving - love it!
I also realized there have been a ton of pictures I haven't posted yet - I've been a fickle blogger this fall to be certain. Perhaps the winter will be better.
I also realized there have been a ton of pictures I haven't posted yet - I've been a fickle blogger this fall to be certain. Perhaps the winter will be better.
I hear ya. It is frustrating in such a sad-empty-hopeful way. Keep on walking, step by step. You can create the life you want and need. It just won't look exactly like any number of pictures labeled "future" you might have in your heartmind. I tended to deal with this problem by keeping snapshots in my mind of lots of different possible scenarios with lots of different timelines. One thing I know for sure: You Will Have Children Someday. Just don't know how they will be gifted to you.
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