Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Random Thought of the Day
Things that make you go hmmm...since my mom's DNA and my dad's DNA combined to be my DNA and Brandy's DNA, and then Brandy's DNA went back in my mom, no one has 100% Sue Walker DNA anymore. How weird is that? Well I guess her organs still have 100% Sue Walker DNA, but her blood doesn't. Double hmmm... Kinda cool though!
This Week
Two major things happen this week (well I'm sure there are a lot of other major things I don't know about going on in the world, but there are two in my life). On Friday I turn 32. Today my cousin turns 16. I'm not sure which is more disturbing. Actually, I take that back, I am sure. For some reason I don't find it difficult to see myself grow older. It do however find it rather insane that the little boy I took on walks to the park in a stroller and swung in the backyard while he learned the names of all the ocean animals on my t-shirt is turning 16. I still have that shirt, by the way. I have a box of t-shirts that have specific meaning to me that I just can't bear to throw away. And that will forever be my Jack shirt. Happy 16th Birthday Jack!
Friday, March 26, 2010
My Skill Set
I read this quote today and determined it did in fact summarize my job:
In order to penetrate even farther into their subject, the host of specialists narrow their field and dig down deeper and deeper till they can't see each other. but the treasures their toil brings to light they place on the ground above. A different kind of specialist should be sitting there, the one still missing. He should not go down any hole, but would stay on top and piece all of the different facts together. - Thor Heverdahl, 1960
First of all let me say I love the fact that the guy's name is Thor. I mean honestly how many Thor's have you met in your life? That, however, is the not the point. The point is that I determined while sitting in a presentation today allowing my brain to piece together where that new information fit in the web of random information already in there what my actual skill set it. My skill set is taking mass quantities of information and distilling it down to the core conclusions. And thus the determination that in fact Thor's suggestion of what we need is in fact what I can do. And I can do it quite naturally really, I did not learn this skill, while I have honed it over the years apparently I was just born with it.
There is just one problem with this skill set. Taking mass quantities of information and pulling out the threads between them and important bits of take home messages is VERY time consuming. And while it is job insurance in some aspects that my skill set is needed more and more, it comes with a price. More of a very time consuming thing, leaves less time for other time consuming things. And so since the majority of what I do best is time consuming it seems as though I become less and less effective at it the more of it I'm asked to do.
So, I shall return to compiling the tiny tidbits from the mass of documents that I'm working on right now and then I'm heading home for some sushi, some ice cream, and a good night's sleep!
In order to penetrate even farther into their subject, the host of specialists narrow their field and dig down deeper and deeper till they can't see each other. but the treasures their toil brings to light they place on the ground above. A different kind of specialist should be sitting there, the one still missing. He should not go down any hole, but would stay on top and piece all of the different facts together. - Thor Heverdahl, 1960
First of all let me say I love the fact that the guy's name is Thor. I mean honestly how many Thor's have you met in your life? That, however, is the not the point. The point is that I determined while sitting in a presentation today allowing my brain to piece together where that new information fit in the web of random information already in there what my actual skill set it. My skill set is taking mass quantities of information and distilling it down to the core conclusions. And thus the determination that in fact Thor's suggestion of what we need is in fact what I can do. And I can do it quite naturally really, I did not learn this skill, while I have honed it over the years apparently I was just born with it.
There is just one problem with this skill set. Taking mass quantities of information and pulling out the threads between them and important bits of take home messages is VERY time consuming. And while it is job insurance in some aspects that my skill set is needed more and more, it comes with a price. More of a very time consuming thing, leaves less time for other time consuming things. And so since the majority of what I do best is time consuming it seems as though I become less and less effective at it the more of it I'm asked to do.
So, I shall return to compiling the tiny tidbits from the mass of documents that I'm working on right now and then I'm heading home for some sushi, some ice cream, and a good night's sleep!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Public Speaking
In a national survey, people were asked 'What are you most afraid of?', and here are how the numbers fell out:
1. Fear of public speaking
2. Fear of death
3. Fear of spiders
4. Fear of darkness
5. Fear of heights
Yes, you are reading that right, fear of death is #2 BEHIND public speaking. Now, I'm sure if you asked them 'are you more afraid of public speaking or death?' they may say, death. But in the land of surveys there are reasons you ask open-ended questions, and one reason is to get at what people are really thinking about, not what they are thinking about in comparison to other things. Coming up with an answer off the top of your head indicates something about that answer, and I for one find those survey results very interesting.
The reason I bring this up is because yesterday I was at a meeting and I was picked to be the 'report out' person for our group's conversation. Actually I offered to be the 'report out' person after a torturous 3 minute conversation asking people. I've been that facilitator before, and I'm sorry but I had to have mercy on the poor girl. But, back to the point. As I was sitting there getting ready to report out I realized that I was nervous. Now, what in the world was I nervous about? I wasn't saying that I had the right answers, I was just saying this is what we talked about, and I knew 3/4 of the people in the room from previous meetings or work related events. And yet, I definitely had that pit of the stomach nervous feeling. Which got me thinking about that statistic, which then got me thinking, why is public speaking (of any kind) so nerve wracking for humans? To be quite honest if you asked me if I was afraid of public speaking I would say no. I do it all the time, in fact it's kinda become more or less a major part of my job to talk in front of groups, and yet I do not at all feel comfortable with it.
And so I've been pondering this and have determined the root of it is due to our need as humans to be accepted by our peers. Even though I knew there was nothing I was saying that wouldn't be accepted, deep down I wanted to be sure. If you look at it through the lens of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs it would fall on the 'self esteem' need section, right before you get to the point.
In theory as you fulfill the needs at the bottom of the pyramid you can focus on the needs further up. And so my question for you is - by passing the health care bill, have we made people more afraid of public speaking? Just kidding :) My question is this - is it all that surprising that people are more scared of public speaking than death? Most of us are trying to fulfill that little slice of our pyramid and so our minds are much more focused on that. So, when you ask an open ended question, our mind goes to that slice of our pyramid without us even thinking about it.
So, I'm done my random philosophical meandering for now. In reality all of this was to say, I hate that I hate public speaking no matter how much I want to not hate it.
1. Fear of public speaking
2. Fear of death
3. Fear of spiders
4. Fear of darkness
5. Fear of heights
Yes, you are reading that right, fear of death is #2 BEHIND public speaking. Now, I'm sure if you asked them 'are you more afraid of public speaking or death?' they may say, death. But in the land of surveys there are reasons you ask open-ended questions, and one reason is to get at what people are really thinking about, not what they are thinking about in comparison to other things. Coming up with an answer off the top of your head indicates something about that answer, and I for one find those survey results very interesting.
The reason I bring this up is because yesterday I was at a meeting and I was picked to be the 'report out' person for our group's conversation. Actually I offered to be the 'report out' person after a torturous 3 minute conversation asking people. I've been that facilitator before, and I'm sorry but I had to have mercy on the poor girl. But, back to the point. As I was sitting there getting ready to report out I realized that I was nervous. Now, what in the world was I nervous about? I wasn't saying that I had the right answers, I was just saying this is what we talked about, and I knew 3/4 of the people in the room from previous meetings or work related events. And yet, I definitely had that pit of the stomach nervous feeling. Which got me thinking about that statistic, which then got me thinking, why is public speaking (of any kind) so nerve wracking for humans? To be quite honest if you asked me if I was afraid of public speaking I would say no. I do it all the time, in fact it's kinda become more or less a major part of my job to talk in front of groups, and yet I do not at all feel comfortable with it.
And so I've been pondering this and have determined the root of it is due to our need as humans to be accepted by our peers. Even though I knew there was nothing I was saying that wouldn't be accepted, deep down I wanted to be sure. If you look at it through the lens of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs it would fall on the 'self esteem' need section, right before you get to the point.
In theory as you fulfill the needs at the bottom of the pyramid you can focus on the needs further up. And so my question for you is - by passing the health care bill, have we made people more afraid of public speaking? Just kidding :) My question is this - is it all that surprising that people are more scared of public speaking than death? Most of us are trying to fulfill that little slice of our pyramid and so our minds are much more focused on that. So, when you ask an open ended question, our mind goes to that slice of our pyramid without us even thinking about it. So, I'm done my random philosophical meandering for now. In reality all of this was to say, I hate that I hate public speaking no matter how much I want to not hate it.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Things that are NOT cool
1. The heater in my office isn't working. Why do I need a heater in my office you ask? Because while it's spring outside my office, inside it still feel like winter.
2. After getting back I had 250 e-mails I needed to read through and attempt to deal with before going to a two day training. Back from that training I now have another 50 and I haven't even dealt with my first 250. I've hit the point where I'm so far behind in everything I'd rather just call it a loss and not work.
3. One of my very good friends is burying her father today and I can't be there to support here. That point is making the other two things that are not cool much less important and yet at the same time much more frustrating.
My prayers are with you Rachel.
2. After getting back I had 250 e-mails I needed to read through and attempt to deal with before going to a two day training. Back from that training I now have another 50 and I haven't even dealt with my first 250. I've hit the point where I'm so far behind in everything I'd rather just call it a loss and not work.
3. One of my very good friends is burying her father today and I can't be there to support here. That point is making the other two things that are not cool much less important and yet at the same time much more frustrating.
My prayers are with you Rachel.
Friday, March 12, 2010
The Results Are In
We've been waiting for the results of the blood test that gives us the preliminary idea of whether Brandy's bone marrow is doing it's thing. They came back today and the doctor gave us two words before she got a call and had to leave - All Donor! You heard it people, all the blood cells they tested were Brandy's. Did I ever mention that 24 days in they were about to call this whole thing a failure? True to Brandy's form she rallied back at the last minute and proved them all wrong! ALL DONOR CELLS!!!!
What does that mean? Well, the only way you can have blood cells in your blood is if your marrow makes them. The only way you can be making blood cells as a marrow cell is if you've grafted into bone. And hence, Brandy's marrow has officially grafted! Praise. the. Lord.
What's next? Well today is day 42. On day 60 they will do a bone marrow test to see how much of Brandy's bone marrow is actually doing it's thing vs. how much of mom's marrow is holding out fighting. Red blood cells are still going down, but we think it may be a few more weeks before they turn the corner and head on up. Red blood cells are the longest lived, and thus last to return. Once all the counts are back and we know that it's Brandy's cells bring them back my gets even more of her normal life back - i.e. gets to go back to work, can travel, can stop her weekly visits.
Thank you to all who have been praying for my mom and our family, your prayers are beautifully strong! Speaking of prayers, please keep my friend Rachel and her family in your prayers. I really can't describe how hard it is to watch someone fight cancer, but I thank God for the faith he's grown in me through watching my mom do it, and I pray for strength and comfort to Rachel and the many others who are having to watch someone they love literally fight for their life. Walking through Hopkins every time we go down there I'll see someone crying, or someone in a wheelchair, or hear someone on a phone explaining test results, and I'm reminded how blessed we have been even on the bad days. And I pray I never forget that.
What does that mean? Well, the only way you can have blood cells in your blood is if your marrow makes them. The only way you can be making blood cells as a marrow cell is if you've grafted into bone. And hence, Brandy's marrow has officially grafted! Praise. the. Lord.
What's next? Well today is day 42. On day 60 they will do a bone marrow test to see how much of Brandy's bone marrow is actually doing it's thing vs. how much of mom's marrow is holding out fighting. Red blood cells are still going down, but we think it may be a few more weeks before they turn the corner and head on up. Red blood cells are the longest lived, and thus last to return. Once all the counts are back and we know that it's Brandy's cells bring them back my gets even more of her normal life back - i.e. gets to go back to work, can travel, can stop her weekly visits.
Thank you to all who have been praying for my mom and our family, your prayers are beautifully strong! Speaking of prayers, please keep my friend Rachel and her family in your prayers. I really can't describe how hard it is to watch someone fight cancer, but I thank God for the faith he's grown in me through watching my mom do it, and I pray for strength and comfort to Rachel and the many others who are having to watch someone they love literally fight for their life. Walking through Hopkins every time we go down there I'll see someone crying, or someone in a wheelchair, or hear someone on a phone explaining test results, and I'm reminded how blessed we have been even on the bad days. And I pray I never forget that.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Update on the Progress
As I mentioned before my mom is pretty much back to her normal self - the frightening thing is she is actually back a little stronger. Less hair, but a whole lot more white cells and platelets. In fact, my aunt said she is concerned my mom may turn into a super hero who never bleeds because she hasn't had this many platelets in years (literally, she's not kidding about the platelet level). She has also not had this many white blood cells in at least a year, which means she is free and clear to partially return to her normal life. Her normal life is way more fun than my normal life, so I'm pretty psyched my trip up here coincided with her release from isolation. It's also probably good for her because I can keep her from being a little too crazy and doing stuff that she's not allowed to do, but likes to think she is :) So far we've had breakfast out, lunch out, and will be going out to dinner tomorrow, she's had a hot stone massage and I got a facial and we got our nails done today...yep, rough life. They cut us back to Mon-Wed-Fri Hopkins trips this week, which is a nice break. And next week we are expecting them to move her to Mon-Thurs Hopkins trips, which is pretty awesome.
As I said the counts are looking good. The ups and down of the whites from a mere 2 weeks ago, are just a blip on the radar screen now...
As far as a point of reference, 4500 is the low normal for whites, so she was in the normal range and then her body may have actually used white blood cells like it was supposed to and fought something off there 2 days ago, after which it rebounded to normal. Amazing when your body does what it's supposed to!
Platelets are looking beautiful as well...low normal for them is 150, so scores in the 200 and 300 range are quite good, and haven't been seen on my mom's charts in years.
So, what are we waiting for now? Well, as I mentioned before she did have a mild case of graft vs. host disease, but that seems to be clearing up. The GVH doctor seemed happy with her progress on Wednesday. Today she seems to be getting another rash (which is more or less what GVH looks like) so we may be getting another break out, but the doctor said that may happen and it's neither a bad, nor a good sign, it's just what they normally see.
Last Monday they took a blood sample to run genetic tests on and see the percentage of blood cells with Brandy's DNA vs. the percentage with my mom's DNA...hopefully we will find out the results of that tomorrow. I mainly think it will be cool to see, not concerned with the results themselves. Then on day 60 (this is day 41), they will take a bone marrow biopsy and check to determine how much of the bone marrow is Brandy's. That is a much more definitive test, and will give them some indication of whether they need to boost Brandy's bone marrow's confidence by giving my mom a white blood cell transfusion of Brandy's white blood cells. Are you amazed yet? I never stop being amazed with this whole process. Seriously, this thing is no less a miracle than her being healed without medicine!
So, tomorrow is back to Hopkins for another dose of the sedative I know they have in the ventilation system (I'm not joking, when you get back from the hospital you feel far more tired than you should after having just sat around all day - I know their little secret!)
As I said the counts are looking good. The ups and down of the whites from a mere 2 weeks ago, are just a blip on the radar screen now...
As far as a point of reference, 4500 is the low normal for whites, so she was in the normal range and then her body may have actually used white blood cells like it was supposed to and fought something off there 2 days ago, after which it rebounded to normal. Amazing when your body does what it's supposed to!Platelets are looking beautiful as well...low normal for them is 150, so scores in the 200 and 300 range are quite good, and haven't been seen on my mom's charts in years.
So, what are we waiting for now? Well, as I mentioned before she did have a mild case of graft vs. host disease, but that seems to be clearing up. The GVH doctor seemed happy with her progress on Wednesday. Today she seems to be getting another rash (which is more or less what GVH looks like) so we may be getting another break out, but the doctor said that may happen and it's neither a bad, nor a good sign, it's just what they normally see.Last Monday they took a blood sample to run genetic tests on and see the percentage of blood cells with Brandy's DNA vs. the percentage with my mom's DNA...hopefully we will find out the results of that tomorrow. I mainly think it will be cool to see, not concerned with the results themselves. Then on day 60 (this is day 41), they will take a bone marrow biopsy and check to determine how much of the bone marrow is Brandy's. That is a much more definitive test, and will give them some indication of whether they need to boost Brandy's bone marrow's confidence by giving my mom a white blood cell transfusion of Brandy's white blood cells. Are you amazed yet? I never stop being amazed with this whole process. Seriously, this thing is no less a miracle than her being healed without medicine!
So, tomorrow is back to Hopkins for another dose of the sedative I know they have in the ventilation system (I'm not joking, when you get back from the hospital you feel far more tired than you should after having just sat around all day - I know their little secret!)
Friday, March 5, 2010
GVH
So, the newest acronym to my vocabulary is GVH, otherwise known as Graft Vs. Host disease. Brandy's the graft, mom's the host, and vs. is pretty self explanatory. We just met the GVH doctor (I'm back in PA for another week in case you missed that minor detail) and he explained that 30-40% of child to parent donations show GVH, and that only 1 in 5 of them even end up in major complications. So that's useful to know. And, research on acute leukemia has shown that GVH can actually be a good thing because they have found a higher success rate for transplants that show mild GVH for some period of time. He said the problem is that they don't really know the time period it's necessary, so they let GVH run it's course as long as it's not becoming unbearable and not getting worse. In case you can't tell I'm a big fan of the GVH doctor, all that information I received directly from him 20 minutes ago - no internet searching needed after someone who is so thorough.
Well, mom is back. She hasn't stopped talking since we arrived, no joke - the only reason I can write this long is because the nurse is in here and taking the brunt of the discussion :) Comparatively speaking she would have days that she was more tired and less talkative while we were up here before, but being here now is reminding me that even the good days then were calm compared to the norm. Wow.
Well, mom is back. She hasn't stopped talking since we arrived, no joke - the only reason I can write this long is because the nurse is in here and taking the brunt of the discussion :) Comparatively speaking she would have days that she was more tired and less talkative while we were up here before, but being here now is reminding me that even the good days then were calm compared to the norm. Wow.
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